biffon
04-21-2006, 02:41 AM
Subject: Fw: Interesting news from the Middle East < Checked >
To: All al-Qaeda Fighters
From: Bin Laden, Osama <mailto: Osama.binladen@al-qaeda.com ( Osama.binladen@al-qaeda.com)>
Subject: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've
really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we
are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and
frankly I have a few concerns:
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles,
we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want
to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so
we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning
roster ... have you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave
reception area (next to the halal toaster).
Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm
trying to scare the *** out of most of the world's population, okay?
That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter
in the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.
Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairymilk chocolates recently, clearly
wrote "Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of
my Dairymilk slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must
distance ourselves from the infidels' bat and ball games. Please do
not chant "Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey.
Thanks.
Five: Graffiti. To whoever wrote "OSAMA SH*GS DONKEYS" on the group
toilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was
relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.
Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse
that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at
the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With
donkeys, there is a grey area.)
Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Steve.
Love you lots, Group Hug.
Os.
PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry
bag. Cut it out, it's not funny any more
To: All al-Qaeda Fighters
From: Bin Laden, Osama <mailto: Osama.binladen@al-qaeda.com ( Osama.binladen@al-qaeda.com)>
Subject: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've
really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we
are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and
frankly I have a few concerns:
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles,
we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want
to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so
we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning
roster ... have you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave
reception area (next to the halal toaster).
Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm
trying to scare the *** out of most of the world's population, okay?
That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter
in the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.
Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairymilk chocolates recently, clearly
wrote "Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of
my Dairymilk slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must
distance ourselves from the infidels' bat and ball games. Please do
not chant "Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey.
Thanks.
Five: Graffiti. To whoever wrote "OSAMA SH*GS DONKEYS" on the group
toilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was
relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.
Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse
that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at
the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With
donkeys, there is a grey area.)
Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Steve.
Love you lots, Group Hug.
Os.
PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry
bag. Cut it out, it's not funny any more