Got issues? speak to Shayne

[biffon]

Did you cat just die? or has your girlfirend just "come out".. send your sob stories to Shayne and he can attempt to give some advice to you.. :smiley20:

[Dantik]

haha when do we start deducting shit of each other...haha

[FerrariSucks]

we can use the power of the members to help others

[calmc]

Dear Shayne,

I have a slight problem! My good friend Richard seems to have gone off me after I asked him a personal question. Do you think there is still a future for us, or do you think I've blown it for good?

[Shayne]

Hi Calmc

To put your question into persepctive, lets compare humans to impala. Impala have four legs, horns and shit little beans everywhere. Humans have two arms and two legs with 5 fingers on each hand (normally). We speak, they dont. If you look between the lines, you may see the answer you were looking for.

Hope this helps

//Shayne

[Poison]

HAHAHAHA thats the best advice ever...

[calmc]

Thanks Aunty Shayne!

From what I can make out, if I shit little beans around the yard, and approach Richard with my horn, this should make it comfortable for him to open up and use his fingers. Have I got it right do you think?

[Shayne]

Hi Calmc

A monkey with dirty glasses on only has to take them off to see clearly. Dont be afraid.

Hope this helps.

//Shayne

[calmc]

In other words, just go for it!! I shal remove my dirty glassess and swing from his tree. Thank for the advice. Will let you know what happens!!:smiley32::smiley32::smiley20:

[Richard]

Dear Shayne,

I have a slight problem! My good friend Richard seems to have gone off me after I asked him a personal question. Do you think there is still a future for us, or do you think I've blown it for good?
Auntie...

a good friend off mine asked me a personal question, and he has blown it for good, truth be told he blows anything from horses (sometimes half one's) to blue whales. how can i let him know, with out hurting his feelings that he must brush his teeth before coming to the pub?

[Shayne]

Dear Richard,

A wise man once told me that a crowded elevator always smell different to a midget. Act now to stop the pain.

Hope this helps

Shayne

[Richard]

Thanks Auntie...

yesterday i took the stairs and it didnt smell as bad as the elevator.:shithappens:.but what came first the chicken or the egg?

[Shayne]

Dear Richard,

Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert. For this, we know our boundaries. Even for an egg.

See the light

Shayne

[Richard]

honestly auntie, this is great stuff.... i lit up a joint and saw the light, but what do i do once it is finished?:nurse:

[biffon]

i honestly missed this thread ... i havent had such a good laugh in a long time!.. well at least since shayne made that "blame biffon" thread

Aunty Shayne
Im not getting enough sex how do i get the missus to give over more than the current 3 times a night?

[Richard]

hey, biffon, find your own auntie, this one is mine!:playingball:

[biffon]

:tomato: :toilet: :thefinger: :sterb041: share TCB resources please!!

[Shayne]

Behave and remember! There are three types of people. Those who can count and those who cant.

[Richard]

But Auntie, he threw a ball at me:smiley19:

[Poison]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA this has put tears to my eyes.. Great stuff guys...

[RustyBear]

LMFAO


Behave and remember! There are three types of people. Those who can count and those who cant.

[izabokkeman]

Dear Shayne

I have a little problem i went to a party last night and woke up in bed with my best friends mom. Should i tell my friends that his mom is one mighty fine lay or let hime live in ignorant Bliss?

[Richard]

wtf, 'Dear Shayne', this is auntie's thread, and should be addressed accordingly...

PS.:knuddel:Have you got you mate's mom's number, if so please post.

[Shayne]

Hi all,

Women are the burden of many men. They are like white Elephants. We like to watch them, but noone wants to own one.

To rememdy the situation, drink Enos before bed.

Hope this helps.

Shayne

[biffon]

aunty

youre cooked!

[RustyBear]

could one take stopain instead of enos?

[Richard]

auntie...

i was taken advantage of last night, if revenge the best remedie?

[Shayne]

could one take stopain instead of enos?

As Gandhi once said "Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love". So i can safely say no.

[Shayne]

auntie...

i was taken advantage of last night, if revenge the best remedie?

Dear Richard.

There is no such thing as "taking". Only borrowing and forgetting to give back. Therefore, before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

And NEVER handle jalapenos before making love. This is the greatest thing i have learnt from my time as a poor sheppard.

Shayne

[Richard]

thanks auntie

did you have issues with chillies in dubai?

[RustyBear]

hey auntie

is it true that a wolf may never be seen as long as it is dressed up as a sheep.

[Shayne]

thanks auntie

did you have issues with chillies in dubai?

Richard,

I'd say quantity, not quality is the safest approach.

Shayne

[Shayne]

hey auntie

is it true that a wolf may never be seen as long as it is dressed up as a sheep.

Rustybear.

I ask you this. Would you sleep with a extremely large women because you knew she had the potential to be thin and extremely beautiful? The answer lies in your reply.

Hope this helps

Shayne

[RustyBear]

would this stop the constant headaches aswell?

[Richard]

hey rusty...stop give blow jobs then, that will stop the constant banging.

[RustyBear]

no my headaches are from your constant nagging.

[Richard]

auntie

what is the birds and the bees?

[Shayne]

auntie

what is the birds and the bees?

Richard,

This is indeed a complex and important question.

To answer this we need to look far back in time, before the interweb and TV. Even before mustaches and tight mens shorts were fashionable. Birds were actually fish and bees were little fish too. Even your dad was a fish. So when someone says this to you, they are really saying "fish". In fact when we say anything we are going to our roots and really just saying fish.

Hope this helps

Shayne

[Richard]

thanks auntie

fish, does that taste like chicken?

[Greenballs]

Example:

"Mommy... where do babies come from?"

"Oh... Err... well Dear. Mommy & Daddy fall in love and get married. And then one night they go to the bedroom, kiss and hug and have sex! That means that the daddy puts his penis into the mommy's vagina. And that's how you get a baby honey."

"Oh... but the other night I went into your bedroom and daddy had his penis in your mouth? What do you get when you do that?"

"Oh dear... um... well... JEWELLERY!!!"

[Shayne]

thanks auntie

fish, does that taste like chicken?

Dear Richard.

I didnt see this question till now so apologies .

The answer is in the circle of life. We eat fish and fish eat us. If we look deeper into our primative becomings we can see that if we could find the family that invented speedo's, we would kill them off before the thought was conceived.

Hope this helps

//Shayne

[amidevoue]

shayne please help
my boyfriends african manhood is too much for me to handle... I'm running out of excuses as to why im walking funny during the day. its honestly that BIG

[Shayne]

Dear Ami

I am not familiar with rap music so cant comment on Notorious BIG.

Apologies

//Shayne

[amidevoue]

ahh so your not familiar with big at all then.... very telling

[Shayne]

ahh so your not familiar with big at all then.... very telling

Dear ami dévoué

A lamp seller in outer Mongolia once told me that if you cant ride two horses then you shouldnt work at the circus. This was prior to his arrest and execution for running a massive US$25 million cannabis operation. Buts thats another story. The answer lays within.

Hope this helps.

//Shayne

[amidevoue]

thanks auntie your right.. can't handle two horses.... ill let him down easy .... and tell him to stop smoking pot?

[sally]

Dear Aunty,
i think my boyfriend is pregnant, he feels sick in the morning and craves alcohole and drugs, what should i do?
from a concerned blonde girlfriend

[Shayne]

Dear Aunty,
i think my boyfriend is pregnant, he feels sick in the morning and craves alcohole and drugs, what should i do?
from a concerned blonde girlfriend

Dear Sal,

A donkey always follows a carrot. Think big and the answer will unfold.

Hope this helps.

//Shayne

[biffon]

very cryptic aunty Shayne but i think i get the idea of that one :D

[Shayne]

So what do you want... a gold star?

[Richard]

auntie

what is the meaning of life?

[modernzimbo]

Dear Aunty
I have recently had a bad experience and thought I would share it with your readers.
Apparently drinking beer and fighting with your wife is NOT a hobby and should not be included on your C.V when applying for a job.
At least that is what the rejection letter said.

[Chick]

Dear Aunty

I can't get the emoticons to the right of this box to work? What am I doing wrong? Please help me, I am bored with the emoticons below which are the only ones I can get to insert.

[neilvr]

Hi Agony Aunt. I'm just 17 years but my breasts are very big. can't I reduce my breasts?

[biffon]

i would suspect he would tell you to lay off the beer and get an excercise bike!

[Richard]

biffon, you are not qualified to comment

[biffon]

and what makes Shayne may i ask?

[Richard]

he is the auntie toolhead, havent you seen the replys... you started this thread got issues speak to shayne... and then you answer the issues---it would have been called got issues speak to biffon...but no that thread is called blame it on biffon.... now take the blame

[biffon]

dude you making my eyes sore....

besides how can "aunty" answer questions WHEN SHE NOT EVEN HERE!!! :box:

[Richard]

she will be back biff... and then you will be sorry...

[modernzimbo]

Dear Aunty,
Due to a technical error in the supply chain. I accidently found myself sober this morning and to my horror I discovered my wife of many years is actually very ugly and I am unsure of what to do.
I thought of gouging out my eyes but I am already in trouble for driving legless I can only guess how upset the police would be if they caught me driving eyless as well.Please help, any advice would be most welcome.

[Shayne]

auntie

what is the meaning of life?

Dear Richard,

Ahhh the question i have asked many times with knowlegable philosphers all over the world.

Perhaps the best answer was given to me whilst i worked as chicken shepherd off the coast of Jamaica. When asked the question, Barbuda could only mumble "Its gooood sheeeet man". I sat with him sharing his cigarettes over many hours and reallised how funny and deep this statement is. Pondering life certianly gives you the munchies too. At the end of the day, i had life and its problems of crime, education, poverty and emotion all worked out but unfortunately i forgot everything by the time I woke up, 15 hours later. So I shall get to you later.

Sorry this does not help.

To all other readers, I will answer your questions in time.

[Edmonsta]

Dear Auntie,

Please help me settle an argument -

Who would win in a fight between Barney the Dinosaur and the Teletubbies?

[Angelshark]

Dear Auntie,

I am a man of 33 years, I am in love with one of my good friends mothers, for me she is the sugar in my coffee, the ice-cream with my fruit salad,The lemon with my tequilla, what should I do. I think you know who she is, so can you please enlighten her.

Thanx in udvunce

[Chick]

Dear Aunty

Why do I see this page more than I do the forums???????

The page cannot be displayed

The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings.Please try the following:

<LI id=instructionsText1>Click the res://shdoclc.dll/refresh.gif (http://javascript<b></b>:location.reload()) Refresh (http://javascript<b></b>:location.reload()) button, or try again later.
<LI id=instructionsText2>If you typed the page address in the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly.
<LI id=instructionsText3>To check your connection settings, click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. On the Connections tab, click Settings. The settings should match those provided by your local area network (LAN) administrator or Internet service provider (ISP). <LI id=list4>See if your Internet connection settings are being detected. You can set Microsoft Windows to examine your network and automatically discover network connection settings (if your network administrator has enabled this setting).
<LI id=instructionText6>Click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. <LI id=instructionText7>On the Connections tab, click LAN Settings.
Select Automatically detect settings, and then click OK.<LI id=instructionsText5>Some sites require 128-bit connection security. Click the Help menu and then click About Internet Explorer to determine what strength security you have installed. <LI id=instructionsText4>If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure your Security settings can support it. Click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. On the Advanced tab, scroll to the Security section and check settings for SSL 2.0, SSL 3.0, TLS 1.0, PCT 1.0.
Click the res://shdoclc.dll/back.gif Back (http://javascript<b></b>:history.back(1)) button to try another link.
Cannot find server or DNS Error
Internet Explorer

Been stuck in this loop for two days, should i change my ISP

[biffon]

haha rog i sympithise with you, looking forward to aunty Shaynes advice!

[mambo]

when will the contacts database be working????????

[Richard]

auntie shayne...

why does it take the one legged french frog longer to cross the road, than the one legged french cock?

[Chick]

Shayne, baaaaas ted, why are you so quiet these days, is there some busyness going on you want to share with us....

[zimajays]

Shayne - I heard you Biff and Posion were up to some naughty stuff with each other! I of course defended you all by asking for the gritty details, and don't believe a word of what i was told.

Anyway....

Hope you are well???!!! :smiley20:

[Chick]

So tell us then zimajays, fill us in with the details..

[joemac]

Dear Auntie,
someone keeps changing my av. and I am unsure what to do. I have tried pasting another pic on the screen but now my screen looks messy when I look at other sites.TIA JoeMac

[biffon]

Aunty Shayne please could you explain how we could be having relations with Poison and put paid to these lecherous rumours!

[sally]

shayne, i think you should answere everybodies questions and quick!!!

[zimajays]

Dear Auntie Shayne

Should you always assume silence means yes?

[zimajays]

Dear Auntie Shayne,

I have an infection in my big toe. WHY????

[Shayne]

Apologies all but Auntie has been very busy helping a small Afghan community start up a large poppy plantation. It warms my heart that such poor people would rather grow flowers to keep them happy rather than food. Strangely enough, them seem to be getting very wealthy and seem to be wired most of the time. Just the other day Abbu was running around cross eyed and drooling, firing his AK47 at phantom allied forces. He eventually got his hands chopped off once restrained for trying to suck your dear Auntie's nipple while blabbing "goo goo, gah gah". Anyway, I digress.

Dear Auntie,

Please help me settle an argument -


Who would win in a fight between Barney the Dinosaur and the Teletubbies?

Dear Edmonsta,

A rock will always be subdued by a thousand pebbles. Its the essence of nature.

Besides, if i heard see that dinosaur one more time on my television, I shall smash it.

I hope this helps

Auntie

Dear Auntie



I am a man of 33 years, I am in love with one of my good friends mothers, for me she is the sugar in my coffee, the ice-cream with my fruit salad,The lemon with my tequilla, what should I do. I think you know who she is, so can you please enlighten her.



Thanx in udvunce

Dear AngelShark

The other day I called the Pakistan Lifeline and told them i was suicidal. They were very excited and asked if i could drive a truck. From every problem comes opportunity. Look forth and follow your heart. Besides, i have no idea who you are talking about.

Hope this helps

Auntie.

Dear Aunty


Why do I see this page more than I do the forums???????


The page cannot be displayed



The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings.Please try the following:

<LI id=instructionsText1>Click the res://shdoclc.dll/refresh.gif Refresh button, or try again later.

<LI id=instructionsText2>If you typed the page address in the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly.
<LI id=instructionsText3>To check your connection settings, click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. On the Connections tab, click Settings. The settings should match those provided by your local area network (LAN) administrator or Internet service provider (ISP). <LI id=list4>See if your Internet connection settings are being detected. You can set Microsoft Windows to examine your network and automatically discover network connection settings (if your network administrator has enabled this setting).
<LI id=instructionText6>Click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. <LI id=instructionText7>On the Connections tab, click LAN Settings.
Select Automatically detect settings, and then click OK.
<LI id=instructionsText5>Some sites require 128-bit connection security. Click the Help menu and then click About Internet Explorer to determine what strength security you have installed. <LI id=instructionsText4>If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure your Security settings can support it. Click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. On the Advanced tab, scroll to the Security section and check settings for SSL 2.0, SSL 3.0, TLS 1.0, PCT 1.0.

Click the res://shdoclc.dll/back.gif Back button to try another link.

Cannot find server or DNS Error

Internet Explorer



Been stuck in this loop for two days, should i change my ISP





Dear Chick,

If the wooden circle doesnt fit the square hole, then dont force it.

Hope this helps

Auntie


when will the contacts database be working????????

Dear Mambo,

In the worlds of the famous St Benedict when asked how long the drought and famine would last, he replied "How long is a piece of string?". Meditate and your answer will appear.

Hope this helps

Auntie

auntie shayne



why does it take the one legged french frog longer to cross the road, than the one legged french cock?

Dear Richard,

Thats a stupid question.

Hope this helps

Auntie

Shayne, baaaaas ted, why are you so quiet these days, is there some busyness going on you want to share with us....

Dear Chick,

Auntie has given her explanation so if you cant run with the dogs, then lie on the couch with the cats. Or something like that.

Hope this helps

Auntie

Shayne - I heard you Biff and Posion were up to some naughty stuff with each other! I of course defended you all by asking for the gritty details, and don't believe a word of what i was told.



Anyway....



Hope you are well???!!!

Dear Zimajays,

Beware, poking a sleeping hyena will not yield the same results as poking a sleeping lion. Even in short grass.

Hope this helps.

Auntie



Dear Auntie
someone keeps changing my av. and I am unsure what to do. I have tried pasting another pic on the screen but now my screen looks messy when I look at other sites.TIA JoeMac

Dear JoeMac

If you have it dont flaunt it. It will attract robbers or rapists and would hate to see you injured.

Hope this helps

Auntie


Dear Auntie Shayne



Should you always assume silence means yes?

Dear Zimajays



Hope this helps

Auntie.

Dear Auntie Shayne


I have an infection in my big toe. WHY????

Dear Zimajays

The weakest buffalos always stand in the middle of the herd. For safety and protection. Thats why i recommend the use of Protector condoms.

Hope this helps

Auntie

[Shifty]

Aunty Shaynos

I was speaking to Edmonsta earlier and he happened to say in passing that he likes to dress up in his wife’s clothing whenever she’s out at work. When I asked why he behaved like this, he said something about it feeling soft and snug against his skin. I was so startled by his reply that I forgot to ask about the makeup he was also wearing. I just assumed that he was going to a fancy dress party, perhaps as a gorilla transvestite. Anyway, I digress….

So, I was wondering, is women’s underwear a lot more comfortable than those worn by men?

[Chick]

Baaaaaaaas, did you manage to increase the GIF limit for BLUE peeps?

[Springbok]

no issues:smiley20:

[zimajays]

Dear Aunty

Some wood lice infested bum hugger has changed my av! Is it true revenge is best served cold?

Are you well? Sleeping ok? Confident in your own space??? HMMMM???

[zimajays]

Dear Aunty

Is it true snow is really the angels spitting and not swallowing??

[biffon]

AJ you certainly seem to have a few issues what with asking new questions before aunty shayne has had time to answer the one before
:D :D

[Chick]

Some wood lice infested bum hugger has changed my av! Is it true revenge is best served cold?

I'll speak to you later..... see me in Zimajays and Chick thread medem.

[zimajays]

AJ you certainly seem to have a few issues what with asking new questions before aunty shayne has had time to answer the one before
:D :D



Eish! A few issues! Dude dont get me started!!! :smiley36:

Aunty Shayne is taking his sweet fricking time to answer! I WANNA KNOW!!!!!

[zimajays]

Dear Aunty!


Is it true that if you slap a one eyed snake it hurts the snake more? I have been told this but think it is a load of horse poo!

Hope this finds you well and the sea weed wrap I sent has worked, although I did warn that it is not magic and may be unable to remove warts from tender nether regions!

As always

your faithfull and obedient servent

Zimajays

[Chick]

Dear Aunty Shaynette,

I have lost my wangs.... I feel so naked and lost. What can I do, can you help me find them?

[barto11]

Dear Aunty Shayne...

I'm having a few problems getting to new threads from the home page...i'm guessing there a few kinks still??

[TCB Quiz Master]

Most satisfactory Shayne...

[zimajays]

Dear Aunty Shayne

I am worried. It has been some time since my last chat with you and your silence is very loud. I have an issue that needs urgent attention...

I was cooking the other time, with all four pots on the stove. I took the front one off to lean over and look into the back one and my dangly bits on my chest got burnt - is this normal????

I hope you are well and that itch we spoke about is all gone, and you have remember to use colgate.

Yours
Zimajays

[boards]

Uncle Shayne

My girlfriend found out that i was spending more time on TCB than with her. I explained that im practicing my typing skills and not just using her for sex when i cannot get on line?

How can i remedy this quandry?

[Shayne]

Yes, Aunty has been busy once again helping out some poor Mexicans dig tunnels near the American border. I did find it odd when they were shoving condoms with flour up their bums but i wont go there.

Aunty Shaynos

I was speaking to Edmonsta earlier and he happened to say in passing that he likes to dress up in his wife's clothing whenever she's out at work. When I asked why he behaved like this, he said something about it feeling soft and snug against his skin. I was so startled by his reply that I forgot to ask about the makeup he was also wearing. I just assumed that he was going to a fancy dress party, perhaps as a gorilla transvestite. Anyway, I digress¦.

So, I was wondering, is womens underwear a lot more comfortable than those worn by men?




Dear Shifty

Your friend misses the comfort of his mothers womb and is probably emotional scarred from past failures. This compounded with transsexual tendencies makes for a interesting case. Why dont you ask him or better still, own up and answer this yourself? Be strong my little sausage.

Hope this helps

//Shayne




Baaaaaaaas, did you manage to increase the GIF limit for BLUE peeps?

Dear Chick

An ugly duckling has the potential to be a beautiful swan. Dont ever give up.

Hope this helps

//Shayne



Dear Aunty

Some wood lice infested bum hugger has changed my av! Is it true revenge is best served cold?

Are you well? Sleeping ok? Confident in your own space??? HMMMM???

Dear ZJ

Jealousy leads to fear, fear leads to hate, hate leads to love. Think of petting bunnies and you'll understand.

Hope this helps

//Shayne



Dear Aunty

Is it true snow is really the angels spitting and not swallowing??

Dear ZJ

Snow is froazen water that falls out the sky. Get over it.

Hope this helps

//Shayne



Dear Aunty!


Is it true that if you slap a one eyed snake it hurts the snake more? I have been told this but think it is a load of horse poo!

Hope this finds you well and the sea weed wrap I sent has worked, although I did warn that it is not magic and may be unable to remove warts from tender nether regions!

As always

your faithfull and obedient servent

Zimajays

Dear ZJ

I have never seen a one eyed snake but assuming they are just like two eyed snakes. And hitting one can be very dangerous. Similar to hippos and seagulls. Go forth and be strong.

Hope this helps

//Shayne




Dear Aunty Shaynette,

I have lost my wangs.... I feel so naked and lost. What can I do, can you help me find them?

Dear Chick

Lost is just another form of despair without love!! Cherish this new beginning that you're encountering with open arms. Love will find you.

Hope this helps

//Shayne



Dear Aunty Shayne...

I'm having a few problems getting to new threads from the home page...i'm guessing there a few kinks still??


Dear Barto

What you talking about Willis.

Hope this helps

//shayne


Dear Aunty Shayne

I am worried. It has been some time since my last chat with you and your silence is very loud. I have an issue that needs urgent attention...

I was cooking the other time, with all four pots on the stove. I took the front one off to lean over and look into the back one and my dangly bits on my chest got burnt - is this normal????

I hope you are well and that itch we spoke about is all gone, and you have remember to use colgate.

Yours
Zimajays

Dear ZJ

There was once a large rock that felt different to all the other pebbles on the beach. He did not know why, but it ate at him each and every day. Over time, the water and sand slowly ground him down so that he was just like everyone else. you too will be like everyone else. Droooy boobs unfortunately will always remain droopy.

Hope this helps

//Shayne



Uncle Shayne

My girlfriend found out that i was spending more time on TCB than with her. I explained that im practicing my typing skills and not just using her for sex when i cannot get on line?

How can i remedy this quandry?

Dear boards

A man with a grenade is the same as a man with a flower. Look deep and they have the same heart.

Hope this helps.

//Shayne

[zimajays]

Dear Aunty Shayne

I thank you from the bottom of my toes for you kind and insightful words. They have indeed helped and was wondering who do you go to in times of stress? I have heard it been told that the scratch markes on your toilet wall are stress induced and was wondering if this was the case?

As always your ever faithful fan

Zimajays

[Patson]

Dear Shayne

I met these women at the munich beer fest told them i was rich convinced them (after a FEW beers) that i was good looking and took all 3 of them back to my hotel room however i dont feel guilty that they could hardly walk nor do i lose any sleep over it ... Why do i not care ..lol..

[Mafuta beeftex]

Dear Shayne,

I have this 'friend' who posted a quadrillion (Zimbabwean rate to the truth = many) pictures of a certain Victoria Beckham. Could he have had excessive sessions with Mrs Hand and her five lovely daughters which have left him with severe myopia such that he did not realise the modern stick insect with boobs is unattractive?

Please advise how I can help him overcome his possible medical issue.

[Mafuta beeftex]

Dear Shayne,

No doubt you have been out and about doing good deeds and great acts of kindness and charity yet again, as ever. However, could you kindly spare some time for us lesser mortals burdened with the worlds dilemmas on our minds, and answer our problems?

[Chick]

Dear Shayne,

I have a friend who I have not heard from in a long time. He seems to be having problems with his piles ...... his girlfriend has threatened to pull the plug ... can you help? How do I help my friend?

[zimajays]

Dear Aunty Shayne

Are you hibernating?
If so where do you keep your nuts?

As ever
Zimajays

[Shayne]

I cannot believe Aunty Shayne has been on holiday for almost three years. However, there were some unanswered questions and Auntie is always around to help so apologies for the delay.

Dear Aunty Shayne

I thank you from the bottom of my toes for you kind and insightful words. They have indeed helped and was wondering who do you go to in times of stress? I have heard it been told that the scratch markes on your toilet wall are stress induced and was wondering if this was the case?

As always your ever faithful fan

Zimajays

Dear ZJ,

Time waits for no man nor woman. Neither does diarrhea. If you close your eyes and be patient, the similarity will be your guiding light.

Hope this helps

//Shayne

Dear Shayne

I met these women at the munich beer fest told them i was rich convinced them (after a FEW beers) that i was good looking and took all 3 of them back to my hotel room however i dont feel guilty that they could hardly walk nor do i lose any sleep over it ... Why do i not care ..lol..

Dear Patson.

Pubic lice, or Pthirus pubis, more commonly known as crabs derive their name from the crab-shaped insects that sometimes take up residence in the pubic hair.

Itching in the pubic area is the most common symptom.

Hope this helps

//Shayne

Dear Shayne,

I have this 'friend' who posted a quadrillion (Zimbabwean rate to the truth = many) pictures of a certain Victoria Beckham. Could he have had excessive sessions with Mrs Hand and her five lovely daughters which have left him with severe myopia such that he did not realise the modern stick insect with boobs is unattractive?

Please advise how I can help him overcome his possible medical issue.

Dear Mufuta,

A wise monk in Gokwe once told me "to not speak the truth can sometimes be worse than throwing stones". Take this into accounta and the truth will unfold.

Hope this helps

//Shayne

Dear Shayne,

No doubt you have been out and about doing good deeds and great acts of kindness and charity yet again, as ever. However, could you kindly spare some time for us lesser mortals burdened with the worlds dilemmas on our minds, and answer our problems?

Dear Mufuta

Feelings of lust outweigh feelings of devotion.

Hope this helps

//Shayne

Dear Shayne,

I have a friend who I have not heard from in a long time. He seems to be having problems with his piles ...... his girlfriend has threatened to pull the plug ... can you help? How do I help my friend?

Dear Chick,

Silly child! No, one cannot fall pregnant by having anal intercourse!

Hope this helps

//Shayne

Dear Aunty Shayne

Are you hibernating?
If so where do you keep your nuts?

As ever
Zimajays

Dear ZJ

One mans meat is another mans poison. And if you fight together, you'll always be stronger than fighting by yourself.

Hope this helps

//Shayne

[Chick]

Dear Aunty,

How is it you were away for three years yet you appear to be so on top of our problems from the past, you surely are a wonder. Welcome back.

[jiggs]

Dear Tannie

A friend of mine has an itch which he keeps rubbing how can I advise him