NSFW - Stand up & fight LADIES!

[Greenballs]

I like the banter in most of the topics and now that I'm not so busy for the next few weeks, I thought I'd stir up our lady members... just for laughs!! So to kick it off, I've got some really good advice totry out on themissus when you get home from the Bower:


Difference between guts & Balls?:
Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere???
Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say,
"You're next fatty!!"

What do you think girls... Guts or Balls???

[Shayne]

Hah ahhaahahahah! That is absolute gold!

[Adam]

You have war on your hands but awesome post

[Greenballs]

Nothing like a bit of war between the sexes- can't wait for a reply from the other chick- not Shelly- damn did she give shayne a mouth about metalwork or something like that I think! A cracker... c'mon love???

[Greenballs]

http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-13_215802_Advertoftheyear.jpg

[Greenballs]

http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-13_220054_Q11.gif

[Shayne]

Classic!

[Greenballs]

http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-13_220210_Q22.gif


http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-13_220240_Q33.gif


http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-13_220314_Q44.gif


http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-13_220345_Q55.gif


http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-13_220402_Q66.gif




Sorry ladies!!!

[FerrariSucks]

Greenballs, I don't know who you are but I like your style. Damn those are good, if anyone can pull off one of those then they should be renamed "God of Love". Cupid with a different type of poking device.



http://www.theholidayspot.com/valentine/graphics/cupidlogo.gif

[FerrariSucks]

What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist


------------------------------------------------------------ -----------------------------------------------------


What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party


------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------------------------------------- --
The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.

#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.


#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.

#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.

#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"

#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------

Why is it called PMS? --
Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------------------------------------
That enough for now but there so much more.

[Poison]

Now this is a great thread, I'll have to check in my archives for things to post here.

[chantillylace]

Greenballs my firstargument is with being referred to as "the other chick- not Shelly". Especially from somebody who actually happens to know me!

Now back to business - guts or balls? You could probably get them both in one go. If you got a really firm gripon the balls and just kept pulling, you'd probably manage to rip his guts out at the same time!

[chantillylace]

Maybe this'll do the trick......


http://www.ihatemen.com/Fred.jpg

[Shayne]

Moved to joke section.
Why don't girls wear skirts in the winter?

Because they'll get chapped lips.

What do you get if you cut a baby with a straight razor?

An erection<

[Greenballs]

To the "other chick..." I couldn't remember your handle so I used the next best thing (the other chick)... no offence Chantillylace but a bit of a tongue twister there?? So I know you huh? Papalexis- you have a brother right? I do know your name but sorry, i'm struggling to put a face to it- again, no offense but has been over11 yrs since I left Vale! Can you be more specific- and lets keep it friendly ok!

[Greenballs]

Adam... Nice avatar boet. Here's the photo Hammond selectively left out of his work function:


http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-14_174529_pic00041.jpg

[Shayne]

Adam... Nice avatar boet. Here's the photo Hammond selectively left out of his work function:






Hah! Nice Try.


I have proof your mom, sister and the kiddieswere not there Greenballs.

[Greenballs]

Wonder which Pub you'd rather be going to:


2005-12-14_191300_Pig_&amp;_Whistle_UK.zip (http://zimbo.bounceme.net/forum/uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-14_191300_Pig_&amp;_Whistle_UK.zip)


2005-12-14_191430_Sweden_Pub.zip (http://zimbo.bounceme.net/forum/uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-14_191430_Sweden_Pub.zip)

[Greenballs]

In the beginning God created day and night.


&gt; &gt; He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and BBQ's. He


created


&gt; &gt; night for going prawning, sleeping and BBQ's. God saw that it was good.


&gt; &gt; Evening came and morning came and it was the Second Day.


&gt; &gt; On the Second Day, God created water - for surfing, swimming and


&gt; &gt; BBQ's


on


&gt; &gt; the beach. God saw that it was good.


&gt; &gt; Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day.


&gt; &gt;


&gt; &gt; On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - to


provide


&gt; &gt; malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs. God saw that it was good.


&gt; &gt; Evening came and morning came and it was the Fourth Day.


&gt; &gt; On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for


chops,sausages,


&gt; &gt; steak and prawns for BBQ's. God saw that it was good.


&gt; &gt; Evening came and morning came and it was the Fifth Day.


&gt; &gt; On the Fifth day God created a bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy


thebeach,


&gt; &gt; drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's. God saw that it


&gt; &gt; was good.


&gt; &gt; Evening came and morning came and it was the Sixth Day.


&gt; &gt; On the Sixth Day God saw that this bloke was lonely and needed


&gt; &gt; someone


to


&gt; &gt; go


&gt; &gt; to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie


&gt; &gt; with.So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good blokes.


&gt; &gt; God saw that


&gt; it


&gt; &gt; was good.


&gt; &gt; Evening came and morning came and it was the Seventh Day.


&gt; &gt; On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie


&gt; &gt; fires,heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter


&gt; &gt; of all the Blokes, smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling


&gt; &gt; prawns and God saw that


it


&gt; &gt;


&gt; &gt; was good.... well almost good. He saw that the blokes were too tired


&gt; &gt; to clean up and needed a rest. So God created Sheilas - to clean


&gt; the


&gt; &gt; house, bear children, wash, and cook and clean the BBQ. God saw


&gt; &gt; that it was not just good, it was better than that, it was Bloody


&gt; &gt; Awesome!................


&gt; &gt;


&gt; &gt;


&gt; &gt; IT WAS AUSTRALIA!!

[Greenballs]

http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-14_192515_Why_crates_were_invented.jpg


Why beer crates were invented!!

[Greenballs]

Of course I love ya darling
You're a bloody top notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought u was as good as
I Was ever gonna get

No matter wot u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy's on
And fetch another beer.

[Adam]

The rusta joke was mussive mun, i've had a good laugh at this thread

[Shayne]

Wonder which Pub you'd rather be going to:


2005-12-14_191300_Pig_&amp;_Whistle_UK.zip (http://zimbo.bounceme.net/forum/uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-14_191300_Pig_&amp;_Whistle_UK.zip)


2005-12-14_191430_Sweden_Pub.zip (http://zimbo.bounceme.net/forum/uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-14_191430_Sweden_Pub.zip)





These files arent working properly. Are they pictures?

[Greenballs]

Power point

[FerrariSucks]

Pig and Whistle looks like all the local pubs around the UK.


Whats really funny is the dude in the wheelchair has been fighting, what a nutter, guess he is not worried about ending up in a wheelchair.

[Adam]

Damn that pig &amp; whistle looks like one fucked up place, typical poms

[Shayne]

Wonder which Pub you'd rather be going to:


2005-12-14_191300_Pig_&amp;_Whistle_UK.zip (http://zimbo.bounceme.net/forum/uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-14_191300_Pig_&amp;_Whistle_UK.zip)


2005-12-14_191430_Sweden_Pub.zip (http://zimbo.bounceme.net/forum/uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-14_191430_Sweden_Pub.zip)





http://localhost/Forum/smileys/smiley32.gif


Its offical. I'm supporting Sweden in everything from now on.

[Adam]

OH MY GOD! i want to be in that Swedish pub please. So many gorgeous chicks

[FerrariSucks]

2 years ago I went to Finland on holiday. It was fantastic, the people there are so nice, andsome of them are part Swedish. All the women have that soft looking skin and tanned bodies from the sunbeds. I went in winter but want to go again in the summer and also pop over to sweden to visit that pub

[TiGeR]

No fellas...TRUST me, you want to go to LATVIA/ ESTONIA/ LITHUANIA if you want to see MEGA babes! smileys/smiley17.gifthey have a mix of slavic (eastern european) &amp; nordic (scandinavian i.e. Swedish/ Finnish) genes...OH MY GODFATHERS.... was there on business4 yrs ago &amp; have been back once a yr since...until i got a g/friend this yr...

[Poison]

Geez you ouns have gone wild in here

It's my turn

[Poison]

5 Secrets To A Perfect Relationship

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.
Edited by: Poison

[Poison]

I think I may need to go for a holiday to Sweden

Man there are some fine woman there.

[Poison]

Mens rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the Rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all Numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question..

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the merits of 5-3-2, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping....
Edited by: Poison

[chantillylace]

Hey Greenballs. You don't know me from Vale days. I know you from when you worked with Bruss and used to hang out with him and Hammy. In fact we once took a trip to Kariba together. There was yourself, me, Hammy, Bruss, Jeni Jones, Kylie, Keri Cliff....... I'll scan some pictures in for you. In fact I think this should jolt your memory - and give Hammy a good laugh!


John King, Illustrious Prince, .....John King, Illustrious Prince......John King, Illustrious Prince .........aaaaaaaaaand John King won it!

[TiGeR]

I dont think i'm even going to ask for an explanation of THAT...put in the pix...a picture says a 1000 words &amp; all that...

[Greenballs]

It's coming back to me but I still can't put a face to it so send the pix then??

[Greenballs]

Tiger... you'll like this looking at your signature:



Instant Inspirations
When you were born you were given the gift of life,
may today be the day that you accept that gift.
Realise that you were
designed for accomplishment,
engineered for success and
endowed with the seeds of greatness.
Strip off your suit of worry and despair,
put on the armour of belief and enthusiasm,
then march boldly into life.
Take no timid steps, think no timid thoughts.
Dare to become all you are capable of becoming.
Dare to be someone who makes a difference.
Dare to make the most of your life.

[Greenballs]

It's definitely coming back to me Chantell... damn that was a long time ago. Problem is I can't remember if i was a good boy or not... probably was a gentin comparison toBruss and Hammond- but that still doesn't mean good boy! Fill us in then??

[Greenballs]

Christ... check Bruss' fucking wig... damn bro- oke would shoot me for displaying this shit:


http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-15_152832_Old_Days1.JPG

[Shayne]

Christ... check Bruss' fucking wig... damn bro- oke would shoot me for displaying this shit:





Hah ahahahahah, dan thats funny! http://localhost/Forum/smileys/respekt.gifBruss is going to shoot you for sure.

[Greenballs]

it got worse let me tell you... remember thatbaseball movie with Charlie Sheen who had those lightning bolts shaved into the back of his pip. Well, after the above pic (Bruss' wig) he shaved these stripes into the back of his diff and pulled into TSF (tobacco sales floors) like that, and you know the boys are old school fucks there... damn, the boss was so confused that he couldn't even shit on the oke. He just laughed at him and said "get back to the factory you clown!" Humour. And to add to it he had speed stripes in his brows as well... damn the dude was cooked!!

[Poison]

That's one cut from hell. But remember those under cut days.


Bruss is never on here so you're safe..

[Greenballs]

I spent 4 months in St. Petersburg and had a few trips over to Finland- Helsinki was fairly close and could drive)... now that was babeville. St. Petersburg was awsome as well for dames... center folds running around so you can imagine the young babwean amongst this shit... dog with 2 cocks and saucer eyes! Apart from all the crumpet about the place is really cool- so much history and just the way it looks- Peter the great built it to mirror his favourite city, Venice, so you can inagine- Canals, dames, museums, babes, cathedrals, blondes galore and it was so cold (-25' C)that they just hated to sleep alone!!

[Greenballs]

Right... back to cussing the girls:


http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2005-12-15_162701_unknown.jpg

[Greenballs]

Why were shopping trolleys invented?





To teach women how to stand on their hind legs!

[Greenballs]

Why do women have arms?





Imagine how long it would take to lick a kitchen clean!

[Greenballs]

What's that fatty bit around the clitoris?





A women!

[Greenballs]

If your mrs comes into the lounge to moan,half way through the boka playing the ABs, what is the best course of action?





Shorten the chain attached to her ankle and the stove!

[Shayne]

Why were shopping trolleys invented?





To teach women how to stand on their hind legs!





Shit thats serious!!!!

I'm going to use a few of these around the braai.

[chantillylace]

Am in Cyprus on holiday now. I'll dig the pics out next week. Hope you all have a great Christmas!

[Shayne]

What photos?

[Greenballs]

She said she's post some pics from our kariba trip!

[TiGeR]

THAT sounds like trouble...

[FerrariSucks]

Good days.

[sally]

Going back to ryan bruss and his hair cut, what the hell was he thinking!!! i cant stop laughing!!!!

[TiGeR]

Great pic Sal- whos who in the zoo (some of us mere mortals only know the good lookin blonde fella &amp; the freak in the vest...just joking Ry!)

[sally]

Im sorry tiger, i didnt post the pic!! i recognise 1 or 2 faces other than bruss, ask chantillylace.

[Greenballs]

Back from left ?, Hammy, Bruss, Jenny , Myself, Kerry Cliff kneeling, The Greek (Chantel), Kylie... not sure who's out in front!


Damn that was such a long time ago... thanks for that! Brings back some serious memories!!! Ha, ha... look how young Hammy &amp; Bruss look- maboneso!!

[Greenballs]

http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2006-01-10_032744_hoeleerjeeenvrouwbierdrinken.jpg

[Greenballs]

Think that means something like how to teach women to drink beer!! Thought I'd get this thread back on track... bet my mate Sally is first to fire back!

[sally]

hey were can i get those beers from?? if anyone knows PM me ASAP!!! dont drink beer but i think i might change my mind now!

[TiGeR]

Tiger... you'll like this looking at your signature:



Instant Inspirations
Thanks GB...VERY cool! Sally, BEHAVE!

[sally]

I am trying so hard, but you guys are making it very difficult!!!

[TiGeR]

What does one say to THAT!?

[FerrariSucks]

Geez, I know they say beer gets you pissed, nothing about tasting like it or looking like it

[Greenballs]

Imagine how much beer consumption would go up if they put life like nipples on each top. Or better- have nipple screw ons!

[Greenballs]

You think the mother will offer additional advice on this one then?


http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2006-01-16_004848_Picture1.jpg

[Greenballs]

This post is just to match Sally's total posts!!

[Greenballs]

And this one is to over take Sally!!

[Greenballs]

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is
installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to
withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new
facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when
accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE &amp;
FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate
steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.


7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.


20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

[Greenballs]

A job negotiator and a feminist were in dispute... The feminist was argueing over the different pay scales that her women were receiving...
Fem: Okay, why are women paid less than men for doing the same job that a man does.
Neg: It says in the Bible that women are worth less than men.
Fem: Where does it say that? I don't think so.
Neg: Well, you do agree that woman was made from a rib, correct?
Fem: Yeah, so?
Neg: Well, there you have it. A rib is a cheaper cut of meat!

[Greenballs]

A male-to-female transexual was recently interviewed on a radio talk show.
The DJ asked the transexual about what, if any, pain the person experienced
during the operation. The transexual replied, "Well, when they cut my penis off,
that really didn't hurt too much. Even when they implanted the breasts in my
chest, well, that really didn't hurt too much either...."
"Then you didn't experience any real physical pain at all then?"
"Hell no! It hurt like hell when they stuck that big fucking needle in my
head and sucked out all my brains and then cut my salary in half!"

[Greenballs]

What's the definition of a perfect woman?
a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
c) The economy model fucks all night and, at midnight, turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.

[Greenballs]

I don't think the leading feminist realized what she was saying when she told a reporter, "As long as women are split like we are, men will remain on top."

[Greenballs]

A member of the ruling junta who oversees Thai Airways International has ordered the carrier to hire more-attractive stewardesses.
"We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses are not pretty enough, too old and unsmiling," Air Chief Marshal Kaset Rojananil said. In an interview published in "The Nation", "The airline has been hiring too many college-educated women", he said, adding, "Intelligent women tend not to be good looking."

[Greenballs]

Most accidents happen at home!
And the men have to eat them.

[Greenballs]

Feminism: A socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

[Greenballs]

Women do not snore, fart, or belch; therefore, they must bitch or else they will blow up.

[Greenballs]

Why did God create lesbians?
So feminists wouldn't breed.

[Greenballs]

How do you know God isn't a woman?
If God were a woman, cum would taste like chocolate!

[Greenballs]

Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares? What the hell was she doing out of the kitchen?!!

[Greenballs]

How many men does it take to do the washing?
None, it's a woman's job.

How many men does it take to clean a toilet?
None. That's women's work!

[Greenballs]

What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks.

[Greenballs]

Finally...


What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?



Slap the bitch.

[Greenballs]

http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/forum/Uploads/Greenballs/2006-01-17_003021_wednesday1a.jpg

[Greenballs]

mmm... wondering if the ladies aren't up for a battle then? Sally?

[sally]

hahaha, greenballs, you are so funny!!

i cant think of any good come back but sit tight cause they will come mate!!!

[Greenballs]

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.<?:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

The question? What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered... is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day... or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now... what is the moral to this story?

Scroll down







The moral is...

If you don't let a woman have her own way...
Things could get very ugly

[sally]

you better believe it sunshine!!

[Greenballs]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do >not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not >worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.