Twisted Wishes

[Adam]

bit of a fun thread, you make a wish and the next person to post grants it in a devilish way.


eg; i wish i had a million bucks


Granted. but they are a million Zim dollars.




Ok? here we go......


I wish i had three horny play mates as flat mates

[Shayne]

(nice idea)


Granted. But they are playmates from Playgirl and love the look of your ass.


I wish I played for the Brumbies.Edited by: Shayne

[Poison]

Cool Thread,


Granted, but youare the water boy.


I wish I was an F1 Driver

[Shayne]

Granted. But you get fired after your first race for being lapped by Michael 87 times in a 88 lap race.


I wish i had my own desert island.

[Adam]

Granted. but the person who sold it to you sold you a sand pit at a play school.





I wish money grew on trees.

[Poison]

Granted but there is no water to give to your tree.


I wish I had an Enzo Ferrari

[Shayne]

Granted. Its a dinkie replica from your mom for Christmas.


Iwish I knew every Karma Sutra positionEdited by: Shayne

[Poison]

Granted but you live on a desert island all on your own. So what a waste.


I wish I was Hugh Hefner.

[Shayne]

Granted. But you are Hugh Hefner, an 86 year old seal hunting grandpafrom Siberia that lives in an igloo.


I wish I was a blockbuster movie star.

[Poison]

Granted but you are the dog on Turner and Hooch that slobers every where..


I wish I was Pilot for a jet fighter

[TiGeR]

Granted. But you are in the Zim Air Force & there isnt the fuel or the money to buy spare parts so you can only fly cessnas...


i LIKE this game! smileys/smiley36.gif

[TiGeR]

Ok, here goes...i wishI was a astronaut...

[Adam]

Granted, but on youronly missiom to space your rocket gets hi jacked





I wish that i couldspend one nightwith Jennifer AnistonEdited by: Adam

[TiGeR]

Granted...but instead of a nite of passionate embraces you get given the complete series of Friends for Christmas...

[Adam]

Tiger you need to make a wish once you have granted that wish to keep it going.

[Shayne]

smileys/dancingemote.gifthis thread makes me laugh. I'll kick it off again seeing as Tiger misseda wish.


I wish I had a years holiday in Spain starting tomorrow.Edited by: Shayne

[Poison]

Granted but you are stuck on this adandoned island off the coast of Spain with no hottiesto enjoy yourself..smileys/smiley36.gif


I wish I could have a 3some with Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton.

[biffon]

granted but they are into each other so much they lock you in the looto make more space on the bed...


haha - hmm still not that bad actually smileys/smiley17.gif


I wish i could watch Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton at it, after they lock poison in the loo

[Adam]

Granted, but you have gone blind from hitin it too much( yourself) and there is no feeling leftin your hands so you can't feel them either.





I wish i had magical powers

[Shayne]

Granted. Unfortunately, your turn yourself into a donkey on the first test run attempt. You spend the rest of your life eating grass and trying to hump everything with your big, pink, dangly schlong.


I wish I won 25 million on the lotto.


http://tinypic.com/ixwga1.jpg

[Greenballs]

Granted but you're muslim and are not permitted to gamble, and therefore, you are givin 2 options by the masses at Mecca... 1). Take the money and never be a martyr or 2). Become a suicide bomber and go to heaven... you decide on heaven.


I wish I was Santa Clause and all my helpers were female playmates!!

[Poison]

Granted but you are gay..


I wish I was the PIMP for Santa's hot femaleplaymates to keep an eye on them and spank them if they were being naughty.Edited by: Poison

[Adam]

Granted but santa was killed last festive season over the middle east by a stray missile andso all his hot female playmate helpers were maderedundant, they now work the counters at Mc donalds.





I wish i was the bestPLAYER in the world, get any girl i want.

[Poison]

Granted but but the only girls you get are the fatties with gimpy legs.


I wish I had the best and biggest mansion in the world and hot chicks to go with it.Edited by: Poison

[Adam]

Granted but your mansion was built on a cliff top over looking the ocean, unfortunatly there was a land slide and now its at the bottom, sorry dude no hot women.





I wish i had my own personal jet and could fly anywere anytime.

[Greenballs]

Unfortunately for you, you crashed on Shayne's desert island and you're now both fudge packers... and before you jump to any conclusions, your crew were all male too!


I wish I could have 30 seconds in the ring with Mugabe (and again... before you get cocky... a boxing ring)!!

[Greenballs]

Sorry Adam... your wish was granted before my wish!!

[Shayne]

Granted. Unfortunately for you, its Mugabe in the ring andeight of his big, well trained and hornyCIO agents. Needless to say to end up cuffed in the red corner with your pants down while 8 dudes with 12 inches knobs satisfy themselves in your mud pool.


I wish I was 120kgs of solid muscle meat.

[Greenballs]

You had too many amino acids and energy shakes which made you a publess, impotent, scraggly, skinny strret hobo who sniffs glue at traffic lights!


I wish I was a lion with 2 cocks!

[Poison]

Granted but you are stuck in a zoo in pen all on your own so all you can do is lick and suck your cocks for pleasure..


I wish I could be on holiday for the rest of my life.

[Greenballs]

Granted but you're living in Bagdad.


I wish I was the president of the USA.

[Shayne]

Granted but you're living in Bagdad.


I wish I was the president of the USA.





HAH HAHAHAHAHAHAH!! smileys/smiley36.gifhttp://localhost/Forum/smileys/respekt.gif


Granted. But your middle east policies see you asssinated after two days (and you didnt even get a blowjob).


I wish beer flowed from my taps.

[TiGeR]

Granted...but there is a burst pipe underground & nothing coming through the taps on your property. Wish i could breath underwater...

[Adam]

Tiger you keep forgetting to put your wish.

[Adam]

I wish santa gave my the winning lotto ticket.

[sally]

Tiger did make a wish this time, he wished he could breath under water!!! Granted, you are a sucker fish!


Adam, your wish is granted, santa gives you the lotto ticket, but oh dear you are kicked in the head by rudolf the red nosed raindeer,and die!


I wish i was GI Jane, so i could kick some arse!!

[Adam]

Granted but the only ass you get to kick is in an all women porno flick( spank spank kick kick ooo she likes it like that)smileys/smiley36.gif





i wish i was spiderman.

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but your spiderman suit was washed in warm water and shrunk so you have to borrowRobbins outfit as he lives next door with Batman.





I wish I could shower with the Womens Brasilian Football Team

[sally]

granted, but they forgot to wax, and they are having a drought!!





i wish there were sex shops in dubai!!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but you have to be 30 years old to enter the shop.





I wish I could win a ticket to travel around the world.

[sally]

granted, but you fly in a zimcargo plane!!!


i wish i was the queen of sheba!!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted, but while living in Etheopia you starve to death.





I wish I could live on a Desserted Island withthe 10 finalist of the Miss World competition

[sally]

did you see the miss world comp?mate there were not all that hey!! oh well....your wish is granted!!


i wish i had a good looking guy i my bed right now!!!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted, but as they say all good looking men are probably gay and in your case it true. Sorry looks like you will be playing with a butt plug tonight.smileys/smiley36.gifsmileys/shithappens.gifsmileys/smiley2.gif





I wish I had a house in every country in the world.

[Dantik]

granted but but your zim passport only lets you live in the one in zim.


i wish i had the perfect woman as a girlfriendsmileys/smiley17.gif

[Shayne]

Granted. But it's actually a she-man


I wish I was president of Zimbabwe

[Dantik]

granted but like mugabe you will only have one nut.


i wish i was able to take zim back to the good old daysEdited by: Shayne

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but without removing the president he just ruins it again.





I wish I could clone myself, so he could do all the hard work and I just chill.

[Adam]

ok

[chantillylace]

Granted - but u can't tell anyone about him. Turns outhe is gayand decides to come out to your parents!


I wish I could have the best day of my life over and over and over again!

[chantillylace]

Granted but it is an old mine in SA and 1500 Zimbabwean refugees are squatting in it!


I wish I could fly

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but the best day of your life was being born.





I wish I was paid US$1 for every breath I took.

[Shayne]

Granted. But the fine print in your contract stated that all the money you generated HAS to be spent by your wife in Marks and Spencers. On bed linen.


I was I had 6 months holiday everyear.

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but it unpaid holiday, so you have to sell your ass for rent moneysmileys/smiley11.gifsmileys/shithappens.gif





I wish I found a gold mine under my house

[sally]

granted, but the war vets come and kick you out!!


i wish i had a more time with my mates

[FerrariSucks]

Granted,but you only have 20 more seconds.





I wish I could fly a plane.

[sally]

granted, but its one of those modle planes with remote control!!





I wish i had the perfect body!!!

[Dantik]

granted but ten years from now the cosmetic surgery flaws and your boobs hang by your knees


i wish i could be a world class surfer

[Adam]

Granted but when surfing a comp in cape town you are spotted by a great white and he takes both your legs off.





I wish it was my hand there in Dantik's avatar

[Dantik]

granted but she is a leper and at a single touch you contract the illness


i wish i could spend a night with elisha dushku

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but you spend the night in seperate rooms and only speak via hand signals.





I wish I had 7 girls, one for each night of the week

[chantillylace]

Granted - they are allpenthouse centrefoldswho featured in the very first copy of the magazine in 1905!


I wish every man alive would grow a pair of boobs and get over them!smileys/smiley36.gifsmileys/smiley36.gifsmileys/smiley36.gif

[biffon]

granted - a miraculous invention sees boobs being able to be grown on any surface. Most of us decide to have a pair grown on our pillows at night.


i wish polygamy was acceptable and legal

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but all your wives fancy each other and end up kicking you out of the house.





I wish I had a personnel yatch to go cruising on weekends.

[sally]

granted but its a toy yatch!


I wish i didnt have to worksmileys/smiley4.gif

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but no work means no money, so you starve to death





I wish money grew on my tree at home.

[Dantik]

granted but like dope its illegal and you are jailed for a while losing your ass virginty..


i wish i could win the lotto

[biffon]

granted - but you lose the ticket on the way to pick up your cheque and some hobo picks it up and cashes it in for 32millsmileys/smiley5.gif


i wish i could fly --has anyone said that yet?





edit --yes ok i wish i could be able to breathe underwaterEdited by: biffon

[sally]

Thats also been done!!smileys/smiley36.gif


I wish i could turn back time!!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but you go too far and end up as a sperm?





I wish I had super powers

[sally]

granted, but all you can do iswave your hand and turn yourself into a frog!!


I wish i could eat anything and never put weight on!!!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but because you are already overweight it doesn't matter.





I wish I won the £70 million euro lotto

[sally]

smileys/smiley2.gifdont we all!!! granted but you are in a coma


I wish i could have sex anytime of the day whenever i wanted!!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but your batteries don't last very long





I wish we could all meet for a braai back in Zim on a houseboat at Kariba.


(now who fancies twisting that one)

[sally]

granted, but the airlines are all on strike, there is no meat or coal for the braii and there is a huge storm in Kariba!!!smileys/smiley36.gif





I wish i was as clever as that brainy dude, Einstine!!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but all brainy people have to have the moustache


Uploads/FerrariSucks/2006-01-13_161208_alb.jpg





I wish I didnt have to go to the gym to lose weight

[sally]

granted, you use steroids and do the diet thing, but you cant get it up and your weener becomes the size of a prune!!


I wish i could be more funny!!!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but you become so funny, you laugh all your friends to deathsmileys/smiley19.gif





I wish I could test drive all the latest cars

[TiGeR]

Granted, but the vehicle manufacturers decide to make 'drive simulators' to reduce their costs so you end up driving those (bit like those arcade games we used to play as lighties...)


I wish i could see the future...

[FerrariSucks]

Granted, but you see that you die the next day and collapse in shockand you are in a comma until you finally pass away.





I wish I could become a famous actor

[TiGeR]

Granted...but you develop a weird mental state not dissimilar to Michael Jackson & become a rich & lonely recluse...


i wish i could control the weather...

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but one day you get really drunk and angry and cause the biggest tornado that kills everyone




I wish I had US$10 less than Michael Jackson.

[Greenballs]

Granted... but he is just about broke you know. And you still have several more pedophile charges against you... so you will lose even more money & then your little mansion and all it's toys is possessed by the banks!!


I wish I was a Rock Star in the 70s!

[Dantik]

granted but you will end up like mr ozzy himself


i wish all girls remained tight...

[Greenballs]

Granted but science couldn't do this naturally or through hormonal treatment, so they had to opperate using synthetic materials and every time you had a 'tight one' the friction would melt the synthetic material and your knob would beblistered for weeks!


I wish I could save dumps for so long that the pressure build up would create diamonds to compete against De Beer's!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but the diamonds are so rough they rip your arse open and you have to use most of the money from the diamonds for special stitches.





I wish I could sleep for a week then party for a month

[biffon]

i nearly cholked on my lunch with that one!!! smileys/smiley36.gif


granted but you partied alone which didnt make it much fun, gave you suicidal tendancies and you decided to end it by leaping infront of a zupco bus.


i wish there was no such thing as PMS or "not tonight, ive got a headache"

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but she still found a pair of lace undies in your car that does not belong to her.


I wish there was no such thing as work

Edited by: FerrariSucks

[sally]

granted, but you get so bored doing nothing all day every day, that you die of bordom!





I wish i could quit smoking

[Greenballs]

Granted but you get lung cancer anyway!


I wish I could go back in time to Rome and watch gladiators battle!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but you get roped into participating and get your ass kicked.





I wish Father Christmas was real

[sally]

granted but he is a pediophile





I wish i could have a braii at least once a week!smileys/smiley4.gif

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but it is a single use one that cooks for one person only, so you have to eat alone
http://www.thechiefbaboon.com/Forum/Uploads/FerrariSucks/2006-01-20_161012_bbq.jpg





I wish I won a Keg of beer per day for life, in a competition.

[TiGeR]

Granted....but you develop a dislike for beer & have to give it away because the agreement states you cannot sell it...


I wish i lived on a desert island, with sun & sand & loads of fresh fruit...

[Shayne]

Granted. Unfortunately there is no fresh water on the island. Hence you die a miserable death, cock in hand, 20 days later.

I wish I was as clever as Albert Einstein.

[FerrariSucks]

This has been done before but anyway.

Granted but your brain-cells eat your hair roots and you end up all bald genius.



I wish I had a heli pad complete with helicopter to take me to work and to customers

[chantillylace]

Granted but you are a bushman in the kalahari desert and nobody outside your tribe has ever heard of you!

I wish I could win the Euromillions lottery tomorrow!

[chantillylace]

Sorry must have replied at same time as Ferrari.

Ok Ferrari - Granted but you are Robert Mugabe.

I wish I could win the Euromillions Lottery tomorrow.

[Greenballs]

Granted but you're paid in Cypriate pounds and the turks invade the place and give everyone bird blue and devaluation of 1000% renders your money worthless!

I wish I could live a week as a young, sexy woman!

[chantillylace]

Granted but you are a young Egyptian girl who is due to be castrated tomorrow!

I wish could walk on the moon!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but your ticket to the moon is ONE WAY.



I wish I had a Safari Lodge to invite my friend too.

[Adam]

Granted but the lodge is in Zim and the war vets invaide it and take it for their's.

I wish i owned the whole world.

[chantillylace]

Granted but you get all of it's problems as well and everybody wants YOU to fix them!

I wish I could read peoples minds!!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but you find out no-one likes you and you end up killing yourself.


I wish I could kick Chuck Norris's ass

[Poison]

Granted, you kicked his ass and then he turns around and gives you a round house and knocks you the f%$# out..

I wish the weather was great here all the whole time.

[Greenballs]

granted... BUT IT IS NOT So DEAL WITH IT OK!!!

I wish I could be an elephant & rape mugabe?

[Poison]

Granted but he falls in love with you and you have to live the next 80 years with him.

I wish I could win the biggest cash prize in sport..

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but its the GAY marathon and along with the money you have to sleep with all the other runners.


I wish I could win tickets to the World Cup Final in Germany later this year.

[biffon]

granted but on the way over your plane crashes on a desert island and there are only male survivors

i wish i didnt ever have to work again

[Greenballs]

Granted but you reincanate as an ugly prostitute and have to work extra hard to feed you 8 babies!

I wish I was the cave man who found fire?

[chantillylace]

granted - but whilst you spent most of the day rubbing sticks together your Mrs ran off with your best friend!

I wish I looked like Cindy Crawford!

[Greenballs]

Granted but your mole grew 20 times bigger and it hung over your mouth like a piece of chewed steak.

I wish I was a dog with two dicks?

[chantillylace]

Granted - but whilst humping two females you get stuck to both and have to drag two whining bitches around with you all day!

I wish I had an unlimited credit card that I never had to pay off!

[Dantik]

granted but to be granted one you have to have 10 million us$ in the bank to start with.
i wish the party of life would never end

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but you get so use to partying that it becomes boring.


I wish I had 50 more wishes

[Greenballs]

Good one... surprised no one has thought of this already??? Granted but after the 3rd wish the gene falls off his pirch and you don't get to your favoutite most thought after wish.

I wish my maid was Angelina Jolie, so I could make her scrub my bathroom floor with her hands and feet tied!!

[sally]

granted, but she is fat and keeps moaning that she wants your blood in a necklace!!!

i wish i had the perfect body as well as brains!!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but you have a gum disease and bad breath so no-one will touch you


I wish I lived in a Villa overlooking the ocean

[sally]

granted, but they start building the biggest building in front of you

wish i could have the perfect life

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but the perfect life could range from a begger wishing he had dry cardboard to build his house.

I know where you can get dry stuff from, lol


I wish I had new clothes delivered daily

[sally]

granted but they are womens clothes!!!

I wish i could be pampered everyday for the rest of my life!!!

[chantillylace]

Granted - a lifetime supply of adult sized "Pampers" nappies will be delivered to you first thing tomorrow morning!

I wish I had more points in my estore account!

[Poison]

Granted but someone stole them all..

I wish I owned Ferrari (The company) so that I could drive a different Ferrari everyday.

[chantillylace]

Granted but your company is bankrupted within a year due to the fact you keep carshing everyday!

I wish brussel sprouts tasted like chocolate!

[Poison]

Granted but you get sick as you ate too many and then you get an allergic reaction to it and can never eat them again.


I wish I could be 21 for the rest of my life.

[chantillylace]

Granted - but when you are 21 you are fired, crash your car, lose your house, your girlfriend dumps you and your dog dies! You are forced to live out the worst year of your life over and over again!

I wish I could invent something that nobody could do without and that needed replacing once a week!

[Poison]

Granted but a new and improved version was invented by this big co-operate company which they patented, and people stopped using yours.


I wish I invented the rubix cube.

[chantillylace]

Granted but a mob of angry nine-year-olds hunt you down and beat you to death with their unsolved cubes!

I wish I knew the answer to life!

[Poison]

Granted but you know the answer to life for a dog.

I wish money grew on a tree in my garden and the tree was indestructable.

[Richard]

granted, but everyone in the world steals off the tree and it only produces seasonally.

i wish i was god.

[Poison]

Granted but you are the god of flys need I say more..

I wish could be an F1 driver.

[Richard]

Granted but you are emerson FITTIPALDI , so you crashed and burnt.

i wish i could be a grain of sand.

[Adam]

granted but you are a grain of sand thats stuck between my festering toe jammed toe's.

i wish i was porn star with a 12 incher and making loads of cash:smiley3:

[chantillylace]

Granted - you are a donkey and your owner gets to spend the cash!

I wish I had a good-looking man with a 12inch schlong hiding under my bed!

[Adam]

granted but you only get me the donkey.

I wish i was chuck norris

[chantillylace]

Granted - but I see you have morphed into BA Beracus! Dunno how that happened - sorry!

I weesh I hed a watch! hahahahaha

Seriously - I wish I was Brad Pitt's bit on the side!

[Richard]

granted- brad has AIDS and passes it on.

i wish i was a ghost.

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but you get killed by the Ghost busters


I wish I had a pool table in my house

[Richard]

granted - but your house is a hut and the snooker table gets eaten by woodworm.


i wish i was indestructable.

[Greenballs]

Granted but you're also emotionless & never fall in love & spend the rest of your indistructable years wanking off alone!!

I wish I was under Chantal's bed?

[Richard]

Granted but you're also emotionless & never fall in love & spend the rest of your indistructable years wanking off alone!!

I wish I was under Chantal's bed?

can i say i am happy with that!!!!

granted, but she gets lucky every night, knocking you senceless and you become braindead :smiley18:

i wish my wish was ungrantable!

[chantillylace]

Granted but Brad Pitt has already given me AIDS and I pass it onto you!

I wish I owned an island in the Bahamas!!

[calmc]

Granted, but it is an active volcano and blows off the face of the earth!!!!


I wish that the person who grants this wish, couldn't grant it!!!

[chantillylace]

Sorry didn't see Richard's reply!

I will not grant your wish!

I wish I owned an Island in the Bahamas!

[chantillylace]

And Cal replied at the same time so..... - one more time!

I can't grant your wish!

I wish I had a never ending bottle of Red Wine!

[calmc]

Granted, you deserve it after the last reply!!!!

I wish I could reply like you...:smiley36:

[Richard]

Granted, but your dick falls off!!


I wish this thread was over..:sterb075:

[FerrariSucks]

Granted.

Just jokes it cant end here.


Because I wish I was paid £1 million per year but only had to work 1 day.

[chantillylace]

Granted but your job requires you to test 1000 samples of human shit by eating it!

I wish I had an IQ that went of the charts! -at the top end of the scale!

[Richard]

:idea:a bright spark hey! granted but you die before you can use it.

i wish i lived happily ever after.

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but it was on an island with a volleyball for a friend.



I wish christmas was once a month

[Adam]

Granted but you are an orphan and you never get anything in your life.

I wish i could get a playboy bunny for easter!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but you miss spelt it and ended up with a boy bunny to play with for easter.


I wish I won a life long supply of Zambezi Lager

[chantillylace]

Granted - but Zim have run out of Hops and are now Brewing Zambezi with water from the river!

I wish I could go back to Form 4 for just one week. Me and all my mates!

[Richard]

granted but it is olevel week and you have exams all day everyday.

i wish i was a bird so i could fly on the winds.

[calmc]

granted, but you a fucking seagull and eat peoples rubbish all day.

I wish I had xray vision!:smiley36:

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but you go to an all boys school.


I wish I had my own Strip Club

[Richard]

granted but it is a male strip club in timbuktoo.

i wish life was everything i dreamed of.(or i will just become a sea gull:smiley20: )

[Dantik]

granted but your dreams only consist of helen clark in a black g-string
i wish the blues would now at least stop thinking that they are the shit at rugby

[Richard]

granted but they now think they are good, but get beaten all the time.

i wish i had a job i enjoyed.

[Shayne]

Granted. Unfortunately its a job as a postman. In Zimbabwe.

I wish that the person that grants this gives a nice answer.

[Richard]

granted, unfortunately i am confussed and start talking about your swollen ass.

i wish i could walk straight when drunk

[Adam]

granted but how can you when you cant even walk straight when you sober.

I wish beer flowed out of my tapes at home.

[Richard]

granted but they never stop, so your house is flooded, the beer goes off a stinks, all your money was hidden in your mattress and house and it is all ruined, your dog was drowned, your computer destroyed, all this would have been fine but you porn collection was under your bed and is soaked, disintergrating when you try and pick it up.

i wish i was in control of everything

[calmc]

Granted, but you have to sit and push a button every minute otherwise you lose control!

I wish I could understand a woman....!!!:smiley20:

[Richard]

granted but then you become one, the pmt, the births.


i wish i had an extra eye

[Poison]

Granted but it's a glass eye.

I wish I could have great sunny weather all the time..

[Richard]

granted but you have serious skin cancer and so have to live in a bubble and are never allowed outside.


i wish i was a bank robber who never got caught

[Poison]

Granted but you died of a heart attack during one of your robberies.

I wish I was immortal.

[Richard]

granted but it is as a tampon.

i wish i was father christmas

[Adam]

granted but you got so pissed that you climbed down an industrial chimny and you received 95 percent burnes all over your body that disfigured you for life, so now you are called the grinch

I wish someone would grant a nice wish for me!

[FerrariSucks]

Granted your nice wish is too test drive the lastest Ferrari, but its in Zim and there is no fuel so you have to wait.


I wish I had a heated swimming pool at home

[Richard]

granted, but it is in zim and there is no chlorine or power so you cant heat it and it is green!

i wish i died in my sleep.

[Poison]

Granted but you went to hell.


I wish I was as worth as much as Bill Gates.

[Adam]

Granted but you can only wish you had money like bill gates.


I wish someone gave me a 5 million dollar house for free.

[FerrariSucks]

Granted, but it was Elton John and you have to play with him to keep the house.


I wish I had a stretch Hummer complete with jacuzzi and fully stocked bar to cruise around in every day

[Adam]

Granted but you are white and you cant rap so tough luck.


i wish i was the president of the USA.

[Richard]

granted george! unfortunately you have been assasinated by some green peace activists, pissed off that you enjoy seal clubbing.

i wish i was on kariba with a castle in hand and a 30kg tigerfish on the line.

[Adam]

Granted but Bob band all sall of alcohole in Zim and claimed Kariba for himself and his family not letting anyone on it.


I wish Hugh Hefner left all his fortune to me.

[FerrariSucks]

Granted, but that includes the playboy girls all the way back to 1956. Haha granny fucker.


I wish I was a PIMP.

[Greenballs]

Granted but you're small fry working the streets of Chitingwiza... & then you get a slow puncture!

I wish I could be Tom Cruise for a day & skop his mrs?

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but she is "on" that week.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes every day

[Poison]

Granted but they are Bata Specials.. (Pata Patas)

I wish I could drive the latest car everyday of the week..

[Richard]

granted but it is on playstation, and you keep on using your playstation batteries for your pink 44 horse.

i wish i didnt feel pain

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but you got shot and didnt know it, so bleed to death while smiling.


I wish everyone in the world gave me 1 penny

[Richard]

GRANTED but you are in a rowing boat in the middle of the atlantic when it happens, so the boat sinks and you get stung by jelly fish and then eaten alive by sharks.its a shit life

i wish i could give up smoking

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but because one day you didnt stop to buy your routine packet of fags, you got hit by a Benson & Hedges truck late for a delivery.

I wish I could see tomorrow everyday

[Greenballs]

Granted but she is "on" that week.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes every day

AND SO???????????????????:smiley17: :smiley17: :smiley17:

[Greenballs]

Granted but because one day you didnt stop to buy your routine packet of fags, you got hit by a Benson & Hedges truck late for a delivery.

I wish I could see tomorrow everyday

Granted but you're an inmate in a prison and you get raped every day so not only do you get to see your arse being opened up by some big baloon knot lover, you also get to experience your telepathy with him actually ripping you another one every day (and the sad thing is that you enjoy it)!!!

I wish I was Nicole Kidman's bikini (and I don't care for skid marks!!!):smiley35: :smiley11: :smiley35:

[Poison]

Granted but it's that time of the month again and lets say it's not a pretty sight.

I wish there was no such thing as stealing.

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but because the thieves dont have anything to do, they turn to squatting at your house and drink all your beer.

I wish I could walk on water

[Dantik]

granted but that simply means you cant walk on land and get no ladies
i wish i could get a free flight to anywhere in the world that i wanted

[Shayne]

Granted. But its on Air Zimbabwe and you know you'll never arrive at your destination.

I wish I could teleport anywhere in the world in the blink of an eye.

[chantillylace]

Granted but a cockroach gets get in the portal with you and when you are put back together on the otherside you are half cockroach - half man!

I wish could speak every language in the world!

[Richard]

granted, but you loose your ability to talk.

i wish my cleaner had done her job this morning.

[Poison]

Granted, but she broke everything in the house.

I wish there was such a thing as time travel..

[Richard]

Granted, but she broke everything in the house.

Then she wouldnt be doing her job..... twat!!!:stupido2::stupido3::stupido::stupid:

Granted, but you stop your folkes getting together, meaning you dont exist, saving us from your stupid comments!:sterb041:


i wish everyday was a holiday.

[izabokkeman]

granted but your broke so you cant enjoy the holiday, and havent been able to pay your utility bills so you station dont work, whats left in the fridge is rotten and warm and you have no water to flush or toliet paperso you have you use your hand.

I wish it there no such thing as winter in england

[Shayne]

Granted. UK summer of 2.3 weeks is taken away and now its jus one long cold season which is now called "YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE FOR LIVING IN A SHIT HOLE SURRONDED BY MILLIONS OF FUCKING WHITE, MOANY POMS" season.

I wish i could stop swearing.

[Richard]

fucking granted, but when you want to swear you instead do the chicken.

i wish poison's teddy was repaired so that he would stop humping people's legs.

[FerrariSucks]

granted but once he does legs he cant go back so your stuck with it now


I wish we only had 2 days of work per week.

[RustyBear]

Granted but then you would not be paid enough there for you would have to live on the street.

I wish zim could be a first world country

[izabokkeman]

Granted but because mugabs is still im power He has started a war with the whole world and bush bombs it into oblivion.

I wish it wasnt 113 days till my holiday but 2 days!

[RustyBear]

granted but unfortunatley you have dihorrea and cant catch ur flight.

I wish i could be just like shayne.

[Richard]

granted but you have a gerbil up your arse.

i wish i could whistle:whistling:

[sally]

granted but your lips are too cracked and sore to purse them to whistle!!

I wish i could be in two places at the same time!

[Richard]

granted but your barain can only be in one, so you get hit by a bus in the second place.

i wish i was 10 years old again

[RustyBear]

granted but you still look old and ugly.

i wish i could never have any problems in life

[FerrariSucks]

granted, but your ugly and no-one likes you but thats now not a problem to you.


I wish for world peace

[izabokkeman]

granted but all humans have died, hence the world being at peace finally, so you cant enjoy it?

I wish i had dihorrea!

[Bean]

Eew, really?? Granted. But you sit on the loo so long you get haemoroids (sp?)

I wish I could fly

[izabokkeman]

granted but the acid you were on wears off as you leap off the bridge and lose the faith that you can fly and with that loss of belief you plunge to a messy and bloody death.

I wish for the most beautiful woman in the world

[Bean]

and your wish....?

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but thats with make-up, she is really a minger under it all


I wish I had a dollar for everytime I swore (shit, fuck, bitch .......)

[Bean]

Granted. But with the money comes a rise in inflation and suddenly even with the extra money you can't make ends meet.

I wish I had a never ending chocolate supply!!! :)

[izabokkeman]

granted but you gain so much weight that you cant get up to get the chocolate and there is no one there to give it to you, so you stuck on your couch with the chocolate tempting you untill you die.

I wish Drinking didnt give me hangovers!!!!

[Richard]

granted but it takes away your ability to drink, so one sip and you pass out.

i wish there was no such thing as the tv show big brother

[RustyBear]

granted but then it would be called big sister and you would be on it.

I wish that we could be teleported instead of flying or driving.

[izabokkeman]

granted but flee is on you when you teleport and the molocules get mixed up and end become one mother flea and end up in a research lab where the poke and prod you till you eventually die.

i wish it wasnt raining

[RustyBear]

granted but then the resivours dry up as they are and there is a water shortage and you dehidrate and could die.

I wish arsenal could do the treble next session

[Richard]

granted but it is their fan club, who like the 1st team also play shit football, so it means nothing.

i wish shayne would lock the last to post wins thread

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but we all want to win it and end up fighting and never talking to each other again (oh and blame biffon for the whole thing)


I wish we had a Biffon shaped punch bag

[RustyBear]

Granted but everyone would get bored of beating it and turn on you.

I wish for world peace

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but because no one is fighting, everyone is loving and multiplying so soon there is no food and everyone dies............... or starts fighting


I wish pick up lines worked every time

[chantillylace]

Granted but you live in a world where pickup lines are only used by women and come in the form of : "pick up your clothes", "Pick up the dry cleaning", "pick up the kids" and "pick up your lip!"

I wish TCB membership would double overnight!!

[Kate Maloney]

no idea wat TCB is but hope it come true for ya!!

I wish I was sailing the coast of Portugal on a 50ft yacht!!

[chantillylace]

Granted but you are with your boyfriend and catch him getting off with the chambermaid and now you're stuck on this boat with him for the next month!

I wish chocolate was a vegetable with negative calories!

[Kate Maloney]

granted but chocolate is now the flavour of beetroot!! Aggghhh!

I wish I could fly

[Brynzim]

Granted, but, when the time comes for you to land, your legs can't retract and you end up scraping your face on the run way. Losing two of your teeth to a brick in the road, you know have a face that looks like a smacked ass!

I wish the voices in my head would speak up.

[chantillylace]

Granted, but they only speak chinese!

I wish I had x-ray vision!

[Kate Maloney]

granted but you and Erkal are the last two people on earth. Have fun looking through your xray goggles!!!

I wish I could go back in time

[Kate Maloney]

granted, but you and michael jackson are the only two people left on earth. Hmmmm yummy for x-ray vision!!!!

I wish I could go back in time

[Brynzim]

Granted - and when you find Mr. Right, look forward to being dragged around by your hair everywhere you go, and be gratefull u ain't bein dragged by your feet, sand tends to gather in little crevices!!! haha

I wish pet turkeys were cool

[RustyBear]

Granted but come christmas time you have to kill it, stuff it and eat it.

I wish for every post i could get a penny

[zambezilover]

Granted but every penny will turn into one zimbabwe cent

I wish i could lick my own balls

[Brynzim]

Granted but in the process you put your back out and end up living the rest of your life with one leg over you shoulder, and find it hard to run.

I wish my head could rotate 360 degrees

[biffon]

whatd you want to do that for???? Granted.. but you find that the first time you are able to do it you can no longer move your arms and legs as you have severed your spinal cord..

i wish i had a better job

[Brynzim]

Granted, and with your new title as 'sanitation super intendant', comes a whole lot of responsibilities - enjoy!

I wish i was in the special olympics

[Kate Maloney]

granted but waiting for your event, a shotput weight hit you on the head and killed you

i wish it was my birthday today

[biffon]

whats your wish then?

[Kate Maloney]

i wish it was my birthday today

[Poison]

Granted but its your 1st birthday and you have only just managed to start walking...So no partying and drinking just yet..

I wish it wasn't so cold here in Winter..

[Kate Maloney]

very clever!!!

granted but the earth overheats and the world explodes...all because of your wish.

I wish i could be a celeb for one day

[Brynzim]

Granted, you are Michael Jackson and you spend the day in court for packing fudge in those little boys!

I wish every time i needed a dump i could deligate it to some one else

[Kate Maloney]

nice Bryn!!!

granted but every time you needed a dump you had to physically take the shit out of your bum and hand it over to your professional pooper!!!

I wish i could get someone to impersonate me at work so i could take a weeks off at a time

[Brynzim]

granted, the person that impersonates you does such a good job that when you come back she convinces every one you are a fake and you get deported to a small island in Taiwan and become a rice planter!


I wish i was a garlic

[Kate Maloney]

thats so weird!! why would you ever wish that. If you really had three wishes, would that be one of them?

Fine, granted but you're gonna be eaten by a curry muncher and the stench of your death is going to kill everyone else.

take your wish back...its not too late

[Buschu]

Fine - at least i like curry and will never go hungry again. But you are going to marry Solly Tyibilika.

[Buschu]

I forgot my wish . I wish I was a chicks razor

[FerrariSucks]

Granted but its also used by the girls boyfriend to shave his nuts.

I wish we had a bank holiday every monday