Advice from the Mother

[The Mother]

To all of you who have a :smiley13: :fing23: :smiley28: :smiley19:


Then dont be shy to come forward to release a little brain tension if you have any !!!!!!!!

[Shayne]

You made me squirt water through my nose


So is this the threasd where we ask you motherly advice?

[The Mother]

Oh shit I forgot this one :smiley18:

[The Mother]

Shayne F..k You have a problem Honey put your finger up your nose ... But quickley you hear

[Shayne]

What advice would you give "Greenballs" (a very nice member of the Chief Baboon) who is bi sexually curious, even though he is in a committed relationship?


And how do i respond to his terrible PMs suggesting sexual acts i cant even comprehend?Edited by: Shayne

[The Mother]

Greenballs dont cry over this one, you are not alone IF George Michael found the light then you will....But trust me, being a Fudge packer is bloody wowie and even the KY has just gone up in price so is it worth it....ask yourself this question'.

Shayne as for your problem tell them to send you step by step (with diagrams) instructions. If you still cant comprehend then put your finger up the other nostril XX

[Shayne]

^ Thats hilarious.





What advice do you have for unexplained rashes?Edited by: Shayne

[The Mother]

Crabs - wash well then boil with salt water, once you hear the scream you will heal quickly.

General Std and sti dont f..k for a while (sorry about that) seek the help of the the local witch doctor asap.. Sorry HIV is a slow pucture and can not be cured...So PLEASE PEOPLE wear those raincoats....not lekker I know but just think of the fun YOU could have and know you are safe as well

[sally]

I think we have a live one here!!!

[biffon]

pfftt...


ok i have a problem with a stalker what should i do?

[TiGeR]

Waiting BREATHLESSLY (& turning purple!) for The Mother's response to that

[The Mother]

Hi to the person with the stalker problem, First and formost..... Are you Ball bearing or Baby bearing ???? I would hate to give the wrong advice.

BALL BEARING: Some guys would say what a bloody lucky dude...I just hope you dont have a pet rabbit if this wagzie gets pissed off with you it just might be boil the bunny time. other wise stop been such a wanker and confront her, You have got nothing to loose.

BABY BEARING: Different storey...All this stalker wants to do is excersise the love muscle.. Borrow your grandmothers cloths for a while, you will find that will put him off.. becareful what you wear

[sally]

Why do ex boyfriends treat us like shit!!! even when we try to be nice to them???

[The Mother]

Honey its called been a dick head...They dont have the emotional maturaty to cope with what was good in their last relationship but look at it as failer and they can not adjust to just getting on with life.....its easier to boast about new wagzies and what they do with them, they grow out of this when they get to 40 ... you have a while to go before this sort of shit drains out of their nostrils. Sorry for the bad news

[sally]

thanks Mother!!!

[The Mother]

The Mother says there are plenty of lovely bulls out there, who will appreciate you, you just have to get through the Gondy mombies first. just keep smiling.

[Shayne]

Would you recommend Karma Sutra or is it a load of hogwash?

[The Mother]

UHMMMMM Nothing wrong with Karma Sutra after all 1 Billion DOOT on the head Indians cant be wrong now can they.... it all depends what you like. Hog wash Na I cant see a Pavaroti getting into it can you? so each to their own tickle

[biffon]

Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[FerrariSucks]

Whats the best present to buy a women/man if you have been caught with someone else?

[The Mother]

Lie Lie though your teeth and and then give the best Cunny/blow job ever, soon all will be forgiven.....take them to heaven

[The Mother]

You could look over the fence as well...They say its greener....but remember same shit different face.

[FerrariSucks]

Thanks, that saves alot of money

[Greenballs]

If death & taxes are the ONLY sure things in life then what's the point?

[FerrariSucks]

Do the homeless get taxed? I know they all die.

[sally]

The mother is not well at the moment, she will answere all questions when she gets better!!!

[Greenballs]

Where is the most populated, femaleBi- sexual regionin the world? Please say it's Sweden!!

[TiGeR]

Here's to a speedy recovery Mother

[Angelshark]

Polish chick are hot, sweden for hets.

[Angelshark]

Sally, get over the blondey, I heard he is a knob, you are much better off with a chick. When you find one let me know, you can come over for a drunken party

[TiGeR]

THATS the spirit! Good aggression for your 2nd post m8...welcome to the party!

[sally]

Rog I thought you were a chick???!!!! welcome to the site tintin!!

[TiGeR]

Now TinTin sounds MUCH better than Angelshark...i also thought he was a she until i checked the posts above...[

[sally]

nah, he just likes the angel shark fish, I think?!

[The Mother]

Hi to the beautiful Kids of the site... Man oh man The Mother has been KO'ed this last few days... thanks for the concern Love you all for sure!!!!
Death and Taxes are a sure thing, but guess what ? they are only two words....there are plenty of bigger words out there that spell FUN, so don't worry your self enjoy life while you have it. As for the homeless, they deserve to die, they have no ambition and need to get off their bottoms and get a life...we don't need oxygen theifs on this planet but people who want to contribute something of themselves and others.

As for the most populated Bi-sexual region in the world...Geenballs you have a problem Honey, if you want the bi thing does this mean you are as well...Now come on what did I say about KY jelly...Pricey ... not cheap and remember the sickness of the 'piness' Stay Hetro for the little fellows sake...God made that thing for nice places not the sewage pit..

Love you all The Mother XXXXXX

[TiGeR]

Hear hear! Welcome back Mother! We MISSED YOU!

I am CERTAINLY gettin an education yo ....am actually a V shy boy!

[The Mother]

Angel Shark.....Whats up with you, Threesomes are out of fashion..it is better to have ones enery put into one Wagzie rather than two , You will find that you will be a lot more appreciated.....naughty naughty boy

[sally]

yeah angelshark, you wouldnt know what the hell to do with 2 girls anyway!!! you would be to confussed and run away!!

[The Mother]

Tiger Tiger.... thank you sweet child..but SHY UHMMM Na guys who say they are shy is wrong..still waters always run very deep... its the guys that talk the talk that actually dont walk the walk.... Try again.

[TiGeR]

hah ahah!!!

[FerrariSucks]

3somes will never go out of fashion

Why do women always ask if they look fat in everything.

[Greenballs]

Good come back but real agony 'tunnies' don't misinterpret questions: "Where is the most populated, femaleBi- sexual regionin the world?"

[Greenballs]

And are you telling us boyz not to have old fashioned fantasies??

[Greenballs]

I'm going to call it "An old fashioned wank from now!"

[TiGeR]

Dude...you are indeed THE thread corrupter! I bow to your superiority in that department!

[Greenballs]

Cheers bro!

[FerrariSucks]

Good come back but real agony 'tunnies' don't misinterpret questions: "Where is the most populated, female</font>Bi- sexual regionin the world?"


I hope its Europe

[The Mother]

Greenballs.....About this Agony Tunnie thing I am "The Mother" and not the Agony Auntie .....Mummies can think and say anything!!!!!BIG DIFFERENCE. smileys/smiley17.gif Females who are Bi-Sexual are not really because they all have Dildo's whaTS ALL THAT ABOUT.....iTS AN ITEM, AND AN ITEM IS AN ITEM r i g h t. Oops had the Caps on.... I reckon its got to be Germany, cos those gals have all got short hair and dont shave their arm pit...YUK

[Greenballs]

That'll help most lads stick to mushroom loving women as opposed to the carpet munching types!!

[sally]

hahahaha!!

[Greenballs]

Yes... like you Sally!! Sure I read somewhere &amp; very blunty put 'I like cock!' Forward or what!

[The Mother]

Hi guys.... Things are very quiet to nite...I hope you all had a wonderful week end ....And Sally had a good time in NEW YORK Love you all THE MOTHER XXX

[TiGeR]

Allo allo allo! sorry been a bit quite dudes- been moving houseall sorted &amp; settled now but usual story, gotta get curtains &amp; theres a leakin tap etc...but pretty happy with my new spot although moving into a complex in Jhb feels a little like living in a rabbit warren! Chat to yous later!

[The Mother]

Tiger Happy new Home I hope you will be very happy there and have lots of braai's and parties and all that goes with a new Plek...I know what its like come to the UK if you want to know what living like a ruddy rabbit's like...God Bless The Mother XX

[The Mother]

Hi to all my kids, hope you are all well! the mother has missed you all so much. Shayne what a lovely new forum layout, well done. the mother has a question for the guys? how do i get my partner to ask me to marry him????????

[Greenballs]

If you follow this simple "Get Your Man To Marry you In A Week Guide..." I can guarantee that he'll pop the question:

Monday- Wake him up with a Blow Job (Swallow). Cook Him breakfast in bed. Bath him and make sure to wear your nurse outfit. Dress him for work. Open his car door. When he gets home from work leave a note on the door saying: "Hi love, I haven't cooked dinner because I thought you'd like to eat down at the pub with the boys. Wake me when you get home!"
Tuesday- Wake him up with a Blow Job (Swallow). Cook Him breakfast in bed. Bath him and make sure to wear your leather outfit. Dress him for work. Open his car door. When he gets home from work leave a note on the door saying: "Hi Love, I'm waiting in bed for you WITH MY BEST FRIEND!"
Wednesday- Wake him up with a Blow Job (Swallow). Cook Him breakfast in bed. Bath him and make sure to wear your school girl uniform outfit- give him oral sex and bath him again... When he gets home for lunch have his golf clubs cleaned and waiting at the door. Give him oral sex, cook him a nice meal. Tell im to have fun with the boys and not to rush home because he should enjoy the 19th hole down at the local strip club.
Thursday- Wake up and perform oral sex on the stripper he bought home from the club. Perform oral sex on HIM, bath him both wearing leathers, bath each other in a hot steamy shower, cook him breakfast in bed and serve it naked. When he gets home from work, leave a note saying that: "Soryy honey, I've gone over to my mothers but my sister has borrowed my nurse outfit and she's waiting in bed upstairs.
Friday- Wake him, perform oral sex, serve him breakfast and remind him that 'TGIF' and that he shouldn't rush home because he's had a hard week and needs to blow off some steam at the pub. Make sure there's a nice meal left for him for his return- DO NOT complain if he feeds it to the dog!
Saturday- Wake him with a strip show, perform oral sex on him. Remind him that the rugby start at lunch time. Serve him breakfast and let him sleep. Wake him when all the mates arrive for the rugby game, serve snacks and beers throughout the game. Drive all his friends home because they're too pissed to drive.
Sunday- DO NOT wake him until noon. Serve him breakfast, put a movie on for him and then perform oral sex. Leave him in piece until dinner time occassionally checking to change the DVD. Cook him a nice meal in your nurse outfit...
Before you go down on him he'll pop the question!!!

OK???

[Greenballs]

Hi to all my kids, hope you are all well! the mother has missed you all so much. Shayne what a lovely new forum layout, well done. the mother has a question for the guys? how do i get my partner to ask me to marry him????????
On a serious note... if he hasn't asked, don't push him. He'll ask when the time is right... I had my engagement ring hidden in my blazer pocket for about 4 months before I eventually decided on the right time. If he's a romantic, he's probably planning the special occassion! Ask yourself what commitments he's already made/ making to the relationship & it's probably not far off being married anyway. It's a big decision- however, you CAN talk about it openly without litterally asking him as well... FOR instance; ask him "where he sees you two in say, 5 to 7 yrs time" & that will put him on the spot without you actually bringing up marriage. And for God's sake girl, don't fall pregnant to push the issue... that's cruel (not saying that you will but it does happen all the time!!)

[TiGeR]

Mother- I would say just carry on being the wonderful lady that you are & if he has any sense, he will make you his own ASAP!..like YESTERDAY!

And thanks for the good wishes re: my new spot- if anyone is ever in Jhb & needs a hot shower & a place to crash...you're ALWAYS welcome!

[The Mother]

Thank you so much guys...good advise. There is hope for us all then...I really just have to give a mean blow job and the jobs a good un.... Should I take my false teeth out before????????????????????????

[Adam]

If you follow this simple "Get Your Man To Marry you In A Week Guide..." I can guarantee that he'll pop the question:

Monday- Wake him up with a Blow Job (Swallow). Cook Him breakfast in bed. Bath him and make sure to wear your nurse outfit. Dress him for work. Open his car door. When he gets home from work leave a note on the door saying: "Hi love, I haven't cooked dinner because I thought you'd like to eat down at the pub with the boys. Wake me when you get home!"
Tuesday- Wake him up with a Blow Job (Swallow). Cook Him breakfast in bed. Bath him and make sure to wear your leather outfit. Dress him for work. Open his car door. When he gets home from work leave a note on the door saying: "Hi Love, I'm waiting in bed for you WITH MY BEST FRIEND!"
Wednesday- Wake him up with a Blow Job (Swallow). Cook Him breakfast in bed. Bath him and make sure to wear your school girl uniform outfit- give him oral sex and bath him again... When he gets home for lunch have his golf clubs cleaned and waiting at the door. Give him oral sex, cook him a nice meal. Tell im to have fun with the boys and not to rush home because he should enjoy the 19th hole down at the local strip club.
Thursday- Wake up and perform oral sex on the stripper he bought home from the club. Perform oral sex on HIM, bath him both wearing leathers, bath each other in a hot steamy shower, cook him breakfast in bed and serve it naked. When he gets home from work, leave a note saying that: "Soryy honey, I've gone over to my mothers but my sister has borrowed my nurse outfit and she's waiting in bed upstairs.
Friday- Wake him, perform oral sex, serve him breakfast and remind him that 'TGIF' and that he shouldn't rush home because he's had a hard week and needs to blow off some steam at the pub. Make sure there's a nice meal left for him for his return- DO NOT complain if he feeds it to the dog!
Saturday- Wake him with a strip show, perform oral sex on him. Remind him that the rugby start at lunch time. Serve him breakfast and let him sleep. Wake him when all the mates arrive for the rugby game, serve snacks and beers throughout the game. Drive all his friends home because they're too pissed to drive.
Sunday- DO NOT wake him until noon. Serve him breakfast, put a movie on for him and then perform oral sex. Leave him in piece until dinner time occassionally checking to change the DVD. Cook him a nice meal in your nurse outfit...
Before you go down on him he'll pop the question!!!

OK???Damn i think i'd hold back for a while before popping the question.

[sally]

I would just like to tell you all that Rob and The Mother are now engaged! Congrats to the both of them!
Oh and she has had enough kids, 2 is enough!! Love you ma XXX

[Greenballs]

Reckon she took the false teeth out then... well done... not many many men can say no to a good 'gummy!!!"

[TiGeR]

:smiley32: :smiley20: :smiley20: :smiley20: :smiley32: :smiley32: :smiley32: :smiley32: WELL DONE The Mother!...Rob, you have picked yourself a WINNER! We can negotiate lobola later (the snr men on the forum will have to handle your initiation) but in the meantime, have a rave & look after your special lady!

[TiGeR]

Hey Mother...where are ya? Missing your humourous & wise words....:smiley19: