biffon
02-11-2006, 06:13 AM
Proper Blowjob Etiquette
A Woman's Point Of View
1 - First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2 - Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.
3 - I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw. It is not
standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4 - Extension to rule #3- No, I don't have to swallow.
5 - My ears are not handles.
Extension to rule #5- Do not push on the top of my head. Last I
heard, Deep Throat has already been filmed. Additionally, do you really want puke
on your dick?
6 - I don't care how relaxed you get, it is never ok to fart.
7 - Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week". Get it
hrough your head: I'm bloated and I feel like shit, so no, I don't feel
particularly obligated to blow you just because you can't have sex
right now.
8 - Extension to #8- "blue balls" might have worked on high school
girls- if you are that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my midol.
9 - If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't
tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
10 -Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately
afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in
the future.
11 - If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate
about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're
good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
12 - No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And no, I don't care
about the protein content.
13 - No, I will not do it while you watch TV.
14 - When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get
blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either
sympathize or brag.
15 - Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have
to "kiss it good morning".
A Man's Rebuttal
1 - First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't we
will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
2 - Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier
than licking a dead fish.
3 - You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean
anything to you?
4 - I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it, and be
thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5 - When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is
the only way to stop your bitching and moaning. Suck it up.
6 - Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you
need all the fluids you can get, trust me.
7 - You bitch about the taste, but trust me when i tell you that we
get the shit end of the stick in flavor country.
8 - At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9 - Play with the balls.
10 - No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11 - Caress the ass, too. We like that.
12 - Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning
now, but when you get old and fat and looking for some action, I
gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13 - If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on
your face, now will you?
A Woman's Point Of View
1 - First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2 - Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.
3 - I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw. It is not
standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4 - Extension to rule #3- No, I don't have to swallow.
5 - My ears are not handles.
Extension to rule #5- Do not push on the top of my head. Last I
heard, Deep Throat has already been filmed. Additionally, do you really want puke
on your dick?
6 - I don't care how relaxed you get, it is never ok to fart.
7 - Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week". Get it
hrough your head: I'm bloated and I feel like shit, so no, I don't feel
particularly obligated to blow you just because you can't have sex
right now.
8 - Extension to #8- "blue balls" might have worked on high school
girls- if you are that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my midol.
9 - If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't
tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
10 -Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately
afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in
the future.
11 - If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate
about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're
good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
12 - No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And no, I don't care
about the protein content.
13 - No, I will not do it while you watch TV.
14 - When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get
blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either
sympathize or brag.
15 - Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have
to "kiss it good morning".
A Man's Rebuttal
1 - First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't we
will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
2 - Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier
than licking a dead fish.
3 - You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean
anything to you?
4 - I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it, and be
thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5 - When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is
the only way to stop your bitching and moaning. Suck it up.
6 - Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you
need all the fluids you can get, trust me.
7 - You bitch about the taste, but trust me when i tell you that we
get the shit end of the stick in flavor country.
8 - At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9 - Play with the balls.
10 - No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11 - Caress the ass, too. We like that.
12 - Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning
now, but when you get old and fat and looking for some action, I
gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13 - If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on
your face, now will you?