Greenballs
02-25-2006, 08:32 AM
Here's some new words to get us through office life this year:
TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending entire day swimming upstream only
to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
MEERKATTING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm,
and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also
applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)
SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay
home with the kids or start a "home business".
SINBAD - single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.
STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the
rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed
to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" ?
needless paperwork and processes.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404
not found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
GOING FOR A McSHIT - Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of
buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff
member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is
known as a McShit with Lies.
BEER COAT - The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after booze
cruise at 3am.
BEER COMPASS - The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home
after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you
live, how you got here, and where you've come from.
BREAKING THE SEAL - Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of
drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the
toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
BRITNEY SPEARS. Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britney's please"
JOHNNY-NO-STARS - A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical
adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the
badges displaying stars that staff, at fast-food restaurants, often wear to
show their level of training.
MILLENNIUM DOMES - The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive
when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth
seeing.
MONKEY BATH . A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go:
"Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".
MYSTERY BUS - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're
in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a
10-Pinter in your bed instead.
NELSON MANDELA. Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager)
PEARLHARBOUR - Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit
Pearl Harbour" out there, (there's a nasty nip in the air)
PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks
like she's got four buttocks
SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person
SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive woman
TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women
URI GELLER. See Nelson Mandela
TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending entire day swimming upstream only
to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
MEERKATTING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm,
and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also
applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)
SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay
home with the kids or start a "home business".
SINBAD - single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.
STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the
rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed
to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" ?
needless paperwork and processes.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404
not found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
GOING FOR A McSHIT - Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of
buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff
member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is
known as a McShit with Lies.
BEER COAT - The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after booze
cruise at 3am.
BEER COMPASS - The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home
after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you
live, how you got here, and where you've come from.
BREAKING THE SEAL - Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of
drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the
toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
BRITNEY SPEARS. Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britney's please"
JOHNNY-NO-STARS - A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical
adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the
badges displaying stars that staff, at fast-food restaurants, often wear to
show their level of training.
MILLENNIUM DOMES - The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive
when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth
seeing.
MONKEY BATH . A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go:
"Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".
MYSTERY BUS - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're
in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a
10-Pinter in your bed instead.
NELSON MANDELA. Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager)
PEARLHARBOUR - Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit
Pearl Harbour" out there, (there's a nasty nip in the air)
PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks
like she's got four buttocks
SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person
SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive woman
TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women
URI GELLER. See Nelson Mandela