Jokes

[Greenballs]

What do you call a New Zealand farmer with a sheep under each arm?


A Pimp

[Greenballs]

<DIV>
Beer Prayer<?:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
(I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is The Beer, The Bitter, and The Lager.
For ever and ever.
BARMEN.</DIV>

[Greenballs]

<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial">An Australian Love Poem
(Who said Australians weren't romantic?)

Of course I love ya darling
You're a bloody top notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

No sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought u was as good as
I Was ever gonna get

No matter wot u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy's on
And fetch another beer.<?:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /></DIV>

[Greenballs]

Something for nothing!!





Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported &gt; by ship, and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.


It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas.


As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles, you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!


Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.


After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.


Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T. " (Ship High In Transit), which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.


You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I...

[Greenballs]

Three people were standing outside a night club waiting to get into a fancy dress party. In order to enter they had to be dressed as an emotion.<?:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

The first guy dressed all in black walks up to the bouncer.

<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Bouncer:[/B] What emotion are you dressed up as then?
<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Man:[/B] Well, the black outfit means I’m distraught &amp; unhappy.

He’s let into the party.

The second person is dressed all in red.

<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Bouncer:[/B] What emotion are you?
<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Women:[/B] My red dress means fiery passion.

She’s let through.

The last person, also a woman, is dressed in a green dress.

<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Bouncer:[/B] What emotion do you represent?
<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Women:[/B] I’m green with envy

She’s allowed into the party.

<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">T[/B]hree Rastafarians are standing to the side watching this. They decide that they’ll try and get into the party. So they go home to try out some outfits.

The first Rasta puts on a dress.

The second Rasta puts his dick into a fruit.

The last Rasta sticks his dick into a bowl of custard.

Of they go!

<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Bouncer to the first Rastafarian wearing a dress:[/B] What emotion are you then?
<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Rasta:[/B] I’m in DIS-DRESS mun.

He goes through.

<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Bouncer to Rastafarian with his dick in a fruit:[/B] What the hell kind of emotion is this then?
<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Rasta:[/B] I’m in DIS- PAIR mun.

He goes through.

<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Bouncer the last Rastafarian with his dick in the custard:[/B] I’d hate to know what emotion you’re trying to represent???

<B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Rasta:[/B] I’m f**king DISCUSTED mun!!

[Shayne]

Greenballs is firing them off today like an ox! Why not create a new topic per joke or is this easier?

[Greenballs]

No worries... can do and will be better this way anyway!!